Desired Control vs Unwanted Control

The WIP I'm working on titled A Submissive's Journey (the sequel to Submissive in the anthology Dom/sub) deals with a sub facing the fact that her cherished long-term D/s relationship might not have been as healthy as she once thought...and now, facing a new relationship, she must come to terms with what she is willing to commit to and part of that is recognizing when the Desired Control slides over into Unwanted conntrol.

I think that this becomes an issue in "vanilla" and "kink" relationships and in either type of relationship, if not dealt with can be unhealthy.

It seemed oddly appropriate, since I am working with this issue in my writing, that someone asked me in a forum last night, "If you don't mind me asking, when you were in your 15 year full time D/s relationship, at what point did you see the desired control and abuse slip over into unwanted control and abuse?"

Here was my answer, imperfect punctuation, grammar and all...because I'm not at my best at 2:30am...
wrote about 9 hours ago:
That blurring line is always the tough one...its great that everyone always falls back on the line "safe, sane, and consensual" but the truth is consenual becomes blurred when you start taking more and more because of willingness to please etc...making safe and or sane at that point questionable.

I called it quits when I realized that no matter what I did...is wan't good enough...and when I sought outside help to talk to others about "is this normal" he became enraged and took my laptop as punishment. I'm a writer...lock me in the house, take away my car keys, deny me anything except my computer. I tried to leave, he hit me...I called 911 and as they say...got the hell outta dodge.

I don't think it needs to get that serious. Any time you feel that your wants, needs, or desires are being addressed, a red flag should go up because the Dom should really love you more than self. A good Dom will go above and beyond to make sure that you enjoy the experiences and have adequate attention post scene.

I am no longer an advocate of 24/7 relationships and worry about anyone who is in one because the scene never ends. I believe kink-time needs to be divided from real-time (or at least have a "Reality check-word" in place that says "we need to discuss our relationship (or scene) and where it is headed" or at least one room in the house becomes kink free so that real life issues and needs can be discussed without the personas of D/s in place because in a 24/7 one's own individuality suffers ... personality suffers ... and identity suffers.

For your situation, maybe all you need is to draw the line and set a timeframe for Playtime so that when it is over Reality comes back. Professional players do this all the time and whether it is an hour or a weekend or a week at a time...it ends. But even with that in place have the "reality check word" which is separate from your "safe word" and do not play with anyone who does not respect your need for these two types of safe words.

Here's an example...I'll use red(stop the scene), yellow(slow down the scene), green(I'm okay now) for my safe words as well as Master's Full Name Identification for very heavy scenes because once the endorphins kick in pain blurs so if I/or my partner cannot respond at any moment ...ie it takes too long to remember that middle name (Master's full birthdate can work too)...pain play stops.

The Reality Check word we use is "We need to talk" and we'll use it a long weekends or any extended play that lasts more than 12 hours (probably because I got so screwed up in the 24/7 nightmare I lived)...any time I feel the scene has deviated from the original plan (he or I) can use this...all "play" stops... we give up our "personas" long enough to sit and look at each other to honestly talk about what we're thinking, feeling, needing from the scene and from each other...because we are partners and co-creators of each others fantasies regardless of who is technically "on top".

Hope this helps and isn't too confusing... Hugs Roxy

So for anyone else out there, currently dealing with this issue and what I really didn't say in my answer is that it is all about communication and when in the context of a D/s relationship that can be a problem if you are being "forbidden from speaking".

Being kinky is amazing and it should promote personal growth on both sides, when it isn't working, it just isn't...so get out of the bad relationships and nurture the good relationships.

Those Secret Relationships ...

I'm writing a book... obviously... that has my crit partner Xandra up in arms ... because it involves "Cheating" and how can my heroine warrant any sympathy from the readers if she is a "bad" person. Hmmm. She has begged me not to write this book (I tried to explain that I'm not writing Gone With The Wind here)... she begged me to change it so that the heroine breaks up with the boyfiend prior to "cheating" ... but I told her that isn't likely to happen... I mean we all have or will cheat or have thought about cheating at some point in our lifetimes ... especially if fantasies count.

So the story is staying as is...

But what about the rest of you, does it bother you that a main charater might cheat?
(answers are required, readers...that's what the comment box is for)

Here's the bigger question, in my story the boyfriend finds out ... same as real life ... cheaters get caught ... eventually ... and the boyfriend forgives.

Xandra's point was that cheating is unforgivable and that it is never truly forgiven even if the wronged party says they forgive ... I don't agree with that ...

Anyway... here is a "funny" commercial that uses both BDSM and "Cheating" to sell their product. It made me smile ...


Direct Link

Nightmares...

Ever wake up remembering every horrifying second of a really bad dream? Ever wake up after having a really bad dream and feel like there was someone in the room with you? How about touching you? Intimately?

Holy crap...that was my 5:30am... and since I'd written until after 3am...not going back to sleep has been regrettable...because I'm in a horrid mood, but going back to sleep was also impossible because for the first hour after waking...I was seriously too terrified to move.

I joked this morning on Twitter that I should write a book about it, wondering if Stephen King did collaborations...I don't know if a book will come of it...but so far a rough outline has. A 3K word outline and not the type of book I normally write. No, this is much, much darker...having BDSM, stalkers, paranormal activity, voodoo, and a police investigation into murder (plus a Stephen King darkness that would chill your blood...because I was that scared...and the dream was that freaking convincing.)

I actually Reiki'ed myself for an hour after I woke up to try to relax...when that didn't work I sent a Reiki field of protection around my house...

I tried to explain it to Sir Hotness but I don't think he got it but then he wasn't the one who woke up convulsing mid-orgasm with the feeling of pain shooting through his ribs from the imaginary butcher knife from my dreams...or with the face of the sadistic stalker forever branded in his brain...

The scary truth is a dog can't protect me from my own imagination and really, a quick dream analysis would probably explain 90% of it... it's just that 10% I can't explain...the pressure against my ribs that obviously wasn't a knife but was real and hurt like fucking hell.

New Puppy in the House

The Universe provides in mysterious ways...
I didn't wake up Saturday morning expecting to become a puppy owner, in fact, that was probably the farthest thing from my mind since I woke up wholly focused on finishing WIP ...Chronicles of Surrender: Unholy Promises.

That swiftly fell apart when my oldest daughter showed up with grand babies and a new puppy in tow...

Asking how they ended up with a puppy generated the response that my neighbor was giving puppies away(realizing that I live in the middle of nowhere and the neighbor is half a mile away)... Did I want one? My immediate response was "No" because I was holding out for a guard dog...something family friendly but that would scare the crap out of anyone else approaching the house.

The big question of course was "What breed are they?"
Answer: half Australian Shepherd, half black lab

Suddenly, Sir Hotness was interested in the puppies too... after all there wouldn't be any chance the puffballs will turn into a 125lb giant...as would have the Tibetan Mastiff.

His interest is probably because of the damage done by this TM. Or it might be because he was telling his boss that I wanted one and that garnered the reply, "You might want to think twice about that... and this is why..." Turns out his in-laws own a TM and live in a subdivision. One day their TM took a walk and brought home a deer. The neighbors were in an uproar that if the dog was big enough to down a wild animal and drag it home...what would he do to the neighbor's kids playing out front?

Anyway, Faced with the option of small and cuddly, he jumped on the idea of a mixed breed that will only get up to about 45-55lbs.

Long story short, I went to the neighbors and found out that the puppies have been living outside for the last three weeks. Lets review the weather here in Ohio...negative digits, high wind gusts, snow, sleet, rain, more snow, followed by raining ice...then I asked to see the puppies and found them not in a pen or even a fenced yard...with no dog house or shelter in sight. My son-in-law admitted that they ended up with puppy number one because it ran across the road to yap at him when he stopped at the corner store for a gallon of milk on the way to my house.

I was fuming at the lack of care and/or concern.

I saved a life by taking in Jazzy, as did my daughter in taking in Lily, that I don't doubt...and in the meantime I'm barely restrained to keep from calling the Humane Society to talk to them about the treatment of the puppy's mother.

So anyway...I now have a puppy...

Lets just hope the little powder puff can learn to defend her turf...

She's a cutey...
Her name is Jazzmine

What Do You Want?

Try throwing four simple words into a conversation and see how quickly the party dies. Why is it that, "What do you want?" creates such mental trauma?

You are probably wondering where I am going with this...
Here we go, I may be able to wrap this blog up in a minute or it may take forever because at this point the thoughts in my head are playing ping-pong in my brain...

I've been writing on A Submissive's Journey and it's going fairly well, but then last night, Lord Draco asked Julia, "What do you want?" and maybe that was just too open ended of a question for her, or maybe as the author of this unfolding drama, it was too open ended of a question for me...because what a can of worms...

Julia's answer was that she doesn't want anything or rather she only wants what her Master decides she needs...okay, that's a respectable submissive answer...but she's also a living, breathing human being that somewhere inside her luscious body must have some unfulfilled desire, some need...some dream...

Or maybe that's just me, the author, thinking too much and I need my heroine to go back to being brainless and selfless...

Stay with me, I'm slightly switching tangents here...

"What do you want?" isn't that the ultimate pared down version of life's secret battle to find inner meaning and happiness? I mean it can just as easily be rephrased as, "What are you looking for in a career?", "What are you looking for in a home?", "What are you looking for in a man?"... isn't that the doozey? That whole "man-thing" gets thrown in and watch the fuck out!!
Because we all want Mr. Perfect don't we? And in the past our romance novels helped define the idea of who Mr. Perfect was...

Trust me, I could go off on a whole tangent in chronological order of how romance novels have influenced who we are as women and how that has influenced our mate choices...

But the bottom line for Julia was: What did she need to help her find her inner bliss?
Freedom?
Independence?
Career?
The white picket fence and two point five children?
Submission?
Restraint?
Control?
And the conclusion that maybe picking one from the list wasn't enough of a choice...that maybe she needed two or three items on the list...or maybe, somedays, she actually wanted everything on the list and that she needed a Master to recognize that and help her discover that being submissive doesn't mean being mindless... or ambitionless.

So what's the bottom line for the rest of us?
I used to think that I wanted wild, mindless passion superseding all else...and that's the way I went into relationships so that when the passion fizzled, I thought the relationship was over and ended it before trying to figure out where else it could go...

RF wrote a blog comment once that I wish I still had, challenging that very mindset, telling me point blank that if I was ever going to be happy...I had it all wrong. What nerve she had! That comment bugged me...for days...a lot, so much so that I was angry, but then, like all things that trigger an illogical outburst of anger, work was needed within and I recognized that... and thankfully by the time I was ready for the next relationship, I entered it not looking for passion exclusively...I was looking for intelligence, wit, companionship, and like-minded spirituality... I found an absolutely amazing guy... and as an amazing, unexpected, but thoroughly appreciated by-product found passion. Who would have thought? This guy, who I could talk to about social evolution, enviromental issues, theology, globalization, ancient civilaiztions...pub songs, became Sir Hotness...

This lady might have said that by taking my focus from what I really wanted (passion) and looked instead for what I thought I needed (until death do us part companionship) that I'd "Settled." Boy, has she missed the point entirely ...

That's why I am so thankful to RF for asking me, "What do you want?" because in the end, I got more than I ever knew I wanted.

Wake Up Calls...

Wake Up One:
I sat at work yesterday ... Real Estate day job ...answering phones ... realizing I was making zero cents per hour. A bad market really wakes you up to the truth. In the past, in the good market, clients often asked for a reduction in the fee I charged (the average 6%) and damned me if I didn't sometimes fold and write the contract on 5 or 5.5%. I never made the client justify how much their bosses paid them because they had me over a barrel ... seriously, like water-boarding torture ... because I had children to feed and if I did or didn't close the deal meant I may or may not feed my children the following month. I wish I was exagerating. The truth is before the crash in the market I was excelling as an agent ... what the industry likes to call a Rising Star ... Meaning I was at the One Million sales volume mark and on my way to hitting the Two Million sales volume mark (in one year). In paycheck terms One Million in sales equals 15K per yr, Two Million equals 30k. Divide that by the 60 and 70 hours per week I was spending on the road and it adds up to making less per hr than a McDonald's employee and that doesn't take into account the phone bill or gas...so don't get me started (and pray that no one ever asks me to lower my fee again because you may hear my answer in whatever state you live in). It's a hard career even in a good market.

Then I married Sir Hotness and people at the office started saying that I wasn't "as hungry" but the truth is, my hunger for success has never changed ... it's just switched gears. Yes, I am still a real estate agent ... but first and foremost I am a writer ... and Sir Hotness has made that possible because a) he believes in me but b) he doesn't mind paying the bills while I do the work to succeed.

Wake Up Two:
Karma is a bitch and how (why) did I end up with this particular life lesson? The life lesson in question? I tend to attract stalkers ... on a semi regular basis ...

Stalker 1: I was seventeen and said stalker was approximately twenty-two and quite the hottie although for the three weeks that he was leaving notes, cards, flowers ... and a dead cat ... in my path ... and I didn't know who he was ... I wouldn't have cared if he was a young Brad Pitt because I was terrified.

Stalker 2 and 3: (It was a tough year what can I say) I was twenty-two, my at the time husband was in a coma and Stalker 2 was his supposed best friend who, when I confronted him, said he was following me to "Keep me safe" (a threat from a mutual friend ended that stalker's interest)... and Stalker 3 was the nuerosurgeon who saved my husbands life but rendered him a vegtable ... (he was fired and deported)

Stalker 4: I was twenty-seven and the stalker was never identified but at some point gave up and went away but not before he'd scared the crap out of me on several occasions, making me hate alleys, elevators, stairwells, and parking places that didn't have at least two exits. Our final encounter was via telephone conversation where he promised that I would never know where or when but that he was going to slice off my pretty face. (Nice...I spent the better part of a decade looking over my shoulder.)

Stalker 5: I was forty and the guy drove me insane for months, watching me, following me, parking in front of my house, parking behind my house and numerous phone calls to the police seemed to do nothing because I couldn't prove he was breaking any laws. Isn't stalking breaking a law?

So here we are three years later and I think I've attracted another one ... what in the hell did I do to make these men get obsessed with me? Really? I haven't had a clue until the epiphany today ... that it is karma. But what did I do in my past life? What is this life's lesson so that I can learn it and end this madness? If anyone has any ideas ... please let me know.

Wake Up Three:
I do better with deadlines. I've been writing little bits here and there not really adding up to complete works, but then an email from one of the editors I'm working with, not asking me to hurry up but offering encouragement because he is an ardent fan and (yeah right) ... Look, I'm a person pleaser ... he had me at "I was just wondering..." ... My muse has been singing ever since.
Thank you, Danny Boy:)

So, if I'm not as wordy over the next few weeks it is solely because I am determined to get A Submissive's Journey to Loose-Id by the end of March.

And for those who have been reading and noticed all of the open ended questions ... if you have answers to the many dilemmas this week ... PLEASE Speak Up!!

And Nina! Haha...you are so right ... in the long run a Tibetan Mastiff might cost more than an ADT but I still think it will be worth it in the long run. Any suggestions for convincing Sir Hotness would also be greatly appreciated ... although Forgotten Girl's suggestion gets tried first ... as soon as he gets home from the latest business trip ... although he always gets THAT anyway so I don't know how much sway it will have ...

The Choking Game...

News reports about the "Choking Game" lists 82 deaths spread across 31 states as determined by the CDC. Nearly 90 percent were boys, at an average age of about 13. Eighty-two seems like a lot ... enough to read the story maybe ... but then that is what the number is designed to do and that's what bothers me. Because the use of a total count (spanning twelve years and making it seem that all eighty-two deaths occurred recently) is insanely misleading. Making the count seem like an epidemic vs the reality that the numbers of deaths are in decline: compare three or fewer deaths reported from 1995 through 2004, 22 in 2005, 35 in 2006 and then dropping to just 9 in 2007.

The report was quick to point out that the game is also known by names that include "blackout," "space monkey" and "pass out," and is easily findable on YouTube. Is the report designed to increase the numbers ... ie copycats ... or is news just slow this week.

Curious, I went to http://www.scarleteen.com/, hoping to find a warning or article on the subject, and found nothing, which was disappointing because teens do use this resource.

So, the question is, since the media seems intent on making a big deal out of this, shouldn't we at least address the issue with our kids? I mean, I have never sat my daughters down to address choking ... lots of other fetish topics but never choking ... and now, because of what I see as irresponsible reporting, I'm going to talk to my youngest (It is also a primo opportunity to talk to my daughter about Yellow Journalism which in my book is the bigger story.) For Beautiful Girl, a requested conversation won't be a surprise ... because our random, "Sit down, we need to talk about something," has become a regular interruption in her normally scheduled day.

A FOUR DAY DIET?

Okay, so I was supposed to be writing, ended up researching then decided to catch the noon news before opening A Submissive's Journey ... then channel surfing my way toward the news I heard the magic word DIET ... but not just Diet ... Rachel Ray billed it as The Four Day Diet ... thus I landed on her noon show, forgetting all about the news.

It seems Prevention Magazine even printed an article about it and there is a book called the Flat Belly Diet.

In summary, quoted from this site:
"To the ancient Greeks, olive oil was liquid gold. For the Aztecs, chocolate was sacred. Almonds were prized by Egypt's pharaohs, and avocados have symbolized fertility for centuries. These can't-live-without-'em foods share more than history; they also share unique health properties. They're packed with monounsaturated fatty acids (also known as MUFAs, pronounced MOO-fahs), those good-for-you fats that protect you from chronic disease and, according to new research, can help you lose fat, specifically around your middle. That's why they're at the heart of the Flat Belly Diet, a unique Prevention-tested weight loss plan."

On Rachel Ray's show four "victims" were selected to embark on the four day jump start ...
It was all very compelling...
Heather, "The four days worked but planning was difficult ... lost two pounds."
Maureen, "I can't wait to start the entire diet. I lost seven pounds in four days."

www.flatbellydiet.com has more info if you are interested.

For me, I'm trying a combination of everything because I challenged my hubby and daughters to a Biggest Loser competition (although Beautiful Girl is prohibitted from losing more than fifteen pounds because she just doesn't have it to lose; and her skinny BF has been challenged to gain every pound she loses...that should be entertaining)

And Me? I'd like to drop thirty pounds before swimsuit season...

Monday Turns Weird ...

All right, I live in Ohio .... So I almost get waking up to 21F warming to 50F and moments of rain, sleet, snow with brilliant sunshine all at the same time ...

Welcome to today.

I may have a stalker...yet to be confirmed.

Surprise (well not really) was the news from the Democrat camps. Clintons group accusing Obamas writers of plagiarism and Obama admitting that he did "borrow" what he said... Yep, in literary circles we call that plagiarism.

Now to define how my Monday turned weird. I'm not sure when or why or how but everything in my brain has seemed to flip flop. Where to begin?

Twenty years ago I decided to be a vegetarian and for about fifteen years that was my life. Then I started craving meat ... not just wanting t but dreaming about it ... and not just meat but ripping open wrappers in the meat department and devouring raw meat dreams ...yuk! At the time I was also seriously embracing celibacy as my newly divorced newly single Yogini lifestyle. Some of my yoga students helped me to see my raw meat need as sexuality based and should I just go get laid ... or eat meat? I went to the grocery bought the biggest steak I could find ... grilled it ... barely ... and ate it ... thus ending my journey as Vegetarian and maintaining my stance on how to manage my sexuality.

Now I'm happily married to Sir Hotness ... sex is not a problem ...and I can honestly say that up until about noon today I haven't thought about or missed my Veggie filled life ... then at noon I became obsessed with my eating habits of late ... I've spent hours online searching for my old fav veggie recipes...

Sir Hotness is not a vegetarian. He's the guy that has meat with side orders of meat. Isn't this just great?

That wasn't the end of my weirdness.
I've spent a year getting used to the fact that Sir Hotness is not really a pet guy even though he puts up with the two cats and one small dog.

The problem is I miss Charlie a lot ... obsessively a lot ...he was the boxer I had before meeting Sir Hotness and he admittedly had issues ... the dog, not the man ... issues that came to a violence while I was away on my honeymoon. My brain wants to defend him because I know he had separation anxiety but the sane part of me tells me that I had to have him put down after he attacked another dog and the kennel owner.

I want another big dog and I don't really know how to bring Sir Hotness around to the idea ... mainly because he's been waiting a year for me to get over my need for a big dog presence in my life ... that won't happen ... I've always had a big dog in my life, sometimes several big dogs in my life simultaneously ... I have chosen the dogs in my life over and above the men in my life (Yikes! I hate to admit that but if that's my worst truth ... I can own it)

The weirdness was me having to lock myself in the house to keep myself from going out and getting a big dog. I couldn't keep from dream doggie shopping online though.

I am so out of control.
I'm hoping that Wednesday's full moon sets my life back in order because I don't know that Sir Hotness is going to be able to deal with a fridge full of Veggies and a new Big Dog in the house when he gets home from his trip...

**editted
So, Sir Hotness answer to the big dog making me feel safer (esp since the suspected stalker incidence) was to investigate home security systems...not a bad idea until I started investigating...

Did I mention today has gone weird?
How weird is it that Inside Edition did an expose report on the security company ADT tonight?! Yeah, I had to watch it. Did you know that even though the base price at about $2400 installed plus their monthly monitoring fee gives you the guarantee of only $500 in event of any type of loss even if that loss is due to Gross Neglect due to the part of ADT ... the woman in the expose was actually killed after relying on ADT to alert her to break in. She was being stalked and even though her boyfriend was there and armed with a gun to protect her and her four children .... her stalker was able to break in (alarm failure) and kill both her and her boyfriend. ADT's contract makes them not liable for a penny beyond $500. (Yep thats really going to help those four kids...)

I'll save Sir Hotness the $2400 and a lot of anxious nights laying awake worried that the alarm is going to fail ... Dogs bark. Dogs don't fail...

Ummm...this is the type of dog that has won my heart today... American Tibetan Matiff (yes, it's subject to change but for tonight this is the protector that I will be dreaming about):

This is what I learned tonight about American Tibetan Mastiffs...

Temperament: Tibetan Mastiffs are intelligent, independent, reliable, loyal and strong willed. They can be reserved and independent, often stubborn and dominant. This breed requires a dominant owner. (got that under control:)They have been said to have "catlike" behavior. They make excellent guards and watchdogs. Tibetan Mastiffs are good and gentle with children, but should be supervised with them, as they can be overprotective. (hello, all dogs must be supervised around children. Period.) They are used as guards of livestock, but are also equally happy to relax. They are easygoing when not under percieved threat. They can be quite aloof, but they usually enjoy being near their masters most of the time. They are adaptable to temperatures, able to do their job in a snow drifts or in hot weather.

With Children: Yes, they are good with children, gentle with their own family

With Pets: Yes, they do well with other pets, they’re not usually dog aggressive.

Special Skills: Protectors and guardians.

Watch-dog: High.

Guard-dog: High. This breed has been bred over the years for this very purpose.

(This dog is PERFECT!)

What Day Is It?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here is a short video from PostSecret.com ...
sharing secrets about Love

I hope you enjoy it;)

Hugs

Roxy

Direct Link

The Cupid and Psyche Awards is Coming ...

The Romance Studio is celebrating their fifth annual Cupid and Psyche Awards (CAPA) for excellence in romantic fiction will be held on Thursday, February 14, 2008 so be sure to stop by their blog tomorrow between 9 AM EST until 5:30 PM EST. Not only will an award be announced every thirty minutes, there will also be great prizes given away to readers who stop by the blog. One of the prizes will be one of my ebooks ... yay ... and lots of other really awesome authors are going to be giving away their books as well ... double yay.

Okay, now, curbing my enthusiasm after that very commercial moment...
And as if any of us need reminding that tomorrow is supposed to be the MOST ROMANTIC DAY of the year, let me just say that even though I am jaded ... and even though I was eighteen before I actually had a boyfriend that coincided with the time during this most important day ... and even though there have been many Valentines Day's that have come and gone between that one and this year's when I didn't have a significant other to share it with ... Valentine's Day is my FAVORITE holiday.

I know, there are a million arguments that Valentine's Day is superficial and commercial and greeting card fueled...

I love it!!

A day to celebrate love and romance and passion ... how wonderful is that?
Even on years when I was alone (and lonely) I managed to celebrate the day in a romance filled way whether it was wining and dining myself at a too expensive restaurant, or buying myself a very sexy teddy with the intention of sharing it with the future love I knew was in my future ... does that sound mildly psychotic? LOL

Valentine's Day evolved after I had children ... because even though I didn't always have a specific someone I was romantically involved with ... I had little one's in my life who I loved to share it with ... heart shaped pancakes, heart shaped balloons, hard shaped cookies and candies and homemade valentine's day cards... teddy bears that always hold their hearts right where you can see them ...

Beautiful Girl informed me that she has a boyfriend this year and to not plan on dinner and a movie with her this year...

Sir Hotness is out of town ... as in a thousand miles away on business ... bummer ...but hopefully he will be back in town before midnight and we can at least share a kiss on the official day ...

But for all intent purposes ... I am going to be by myself ...
And yeah, I'm celebrating ...
because it is a wonderful day this day we can set aside and be oh so thankful for all those we have ever loved and for all those who we will love in the future ... and for all those people in our lives right this moment who we love desperately and for one reason or another, we can't be with them ...

Don't forget to join me here and join me at The Romance Studio tomorrow because I especially want the opportunity to say I LOVE YOU to you on this very important day of the year.

Fun Video ... song by The Format about Love

Direct Video Link

Snow Day!

I'm so excited! We officially had a snow day!
How did Beautiful Girl and I celebrate?

We slept til noon-thirty then watched videos...
Good Luck Chuck
Stardust

Now she is on Myspace catching up with friends and I am going to soak in a hot, bubbly tub...
Ahhhh...everyday should be a snow day;)

Winter Storm Warning...

For hours now all I have heard on radio and television is that we are under a WINTER STORM WARNING... sounds quite ominous, I know, but as of yet...nada...

No rain, sleet, snow...nothing.

Yet, the man on the news is saying, "Do not go outside. Stay home."

Okay, I believe in being prepared but come on...
I mean, it sounds a bit armegeddon...

So, I sit, watching the School Closings roll across the bottom of the screen... just in case ... because Beautiful Girl has her fingers and her toes crossed that there will be a Snow Day.

We'll see. Call me jaded, but I'm not getting my hopes up... because I absolutely LOVE snowdays. I hate snow and all the slushy, grey mess and freezing temperatures that go along with it ... but I'm good for one good hike through the woods or even a happy jaunt around the block. I especially like to walk when the big, fluffy white is falling from the sky... Yippee.

So I will stay awake, watching the sky, with my fingers and toes crossed, and as much heart pounding excitement bottled up as the teenage girl upstairs, trying to sleep, just in case she has to go to school after all...

(to be continued...)

Big Winds In Ohio...

Wow...Beautiful Girl and I were awake until we fell asleep exhausted because the wind zooming around our house sounded like a band of screaming banshees...then this morning we woke up to more of the same. I wish I could add a recording of it...the sound is that amazing.

I sat at the table watching the bird seed blow out of the bird feeders...they were flying sideways for most of the morning so what grows in the backyard in the Spring should be interesting.

Good news out of California today as the writer's strike shows hope of coming to an end...

And cross my fingers, knock on wood, light another candle...because I woke up feeling "frisky"...so lets hope that signals that I am actually coming to an end of this dreaded cold/flu/bronchitis/but not pneumonia thing that I've been fighting for three solid weeks. I feel I owe a big huge thank you to Hookah Girl and Forgotten Girl for sending me Reiki last night...

I should have asked them sooner...much, much sooner...

If you don't know a lot about Reiki ...this brand new blog is good... It's A Reiki Thing but there are lots of other places to go and learn about this wonderful, natural alternative healing method...so just google Reiki ;)

Wow ... I feel so much better ... I think I may actually get some writing done today!!! YAY!!!

Scandal, Bodice Rippers, and PostCoitus Conversations

Okay, I've been sick...very sick...but through the haze of Codeine infused cough syrup I've managed to try to keep up with what is going on in the world...even though I've kept fairly quiet. Take for instance the Cassie Edwards plagiarism scandal which I caught wind of moments after the first slice of info appeared on Smart Bitches Blog...yes the evidence posted side by side was compelling and after a short cough filled phone conversation with Xandra Gregory on the matter I went back to bed and put the subject out of my mind more or less...

This morning...I remembered...but not for the reasons you might think...yes I am still appalled at the early allegations...but what I read today just about knocked me down and for the first time I found myself infuriated...

Again, probably not for the reasons you would expect...and really, I'm still trying to sort it all out in my mind so I'll know which way to shoot my anger arrows...

First, let me explain what started this fissure of fire coursing through my veins (yeah, I know, I'll never be up to the spirited prose of Cassie but she has years more experience than I do)...anyway...it all began in my email because of a newsletter from Wildlife eNews...here is a Quote in it's entirety:

Wildlife Heroes
Forbidden Romance -- Exposed!
When Candy Tan and Sarah Wendell caught wind of a plagiarism scandal and posted it on their romance novel blog, they broke a story that raised the stature of a once-thought-to-be-extinct critter of the prairie to the national level (see feature story above). Novelist Nora Roberts -- herself a victim of plagiarists in the past -- offered a challenge to readers of Tan and Wendell’s blog: raise $5,000 for Defenders, and the Nora Roberts Foundation would match it. Readers took to the challenge. In two short days, wildlife-loving readers raised more than $5,000 to help save black-footed ferrets and other wildlife.

Thanks so much to Nora Roberts, Candy Tan, Sarah Wendell and their faithful blog readers!

Read more in Newsweek

Awww...that's nice, something good actually came out of this mess...but then I clicked on the link: Read More in Newsweek and THAT is when I really got pissed off...

So many reasons to totally be annoyed with what is said in this article. Where oh where do I start...

I don't expect men to understand why women like romance novels, but I really get annoyed when they cop an attitude and tear the literary value to shreds as does Paul Tolme who drops right into the descriptives of twenty years ago calling Cassie Edwards novel a "bodice ripper". Haven't we moved beyond that?

What really rankled me beyond comprehension was Cassie Edwards herself and I honestly tried to keep an open mind on this whole thing from the moment I heard the first accusations ... because plagiarism scandals come ... and plagiarism scandals go ... and btw plagiarism is wrong. Period. But it is also the very dark side of the business we are in.

But what I found to be totally inexcusable and what really got me mad was this line, taken from Cassie Edward's book and reported in Newsweek:

Quote From Shadow Bear by Cassie Edwards:

Shiona then tells Shadow Bear how she once read about ferrets in a book she took from the study of her father. "I discovered they are related to minks and otters. It is said their closest relations are European ferrets and Siberian polecats," she says. "Researchers theorize that polecats crossed the land bridge that once linked Siberia and Alaska, to establish the New World population."

Really? Researchers theorize? Come on Cassie...and even more to the point was there a theory on the Siberian land bridge (let alone a published book) and why wasn't this referenced in the footnotes somewhere? But the far greater crime was that this chunk of dialogue actually made it to PRINT. If this book is set in the ...what ... guessing ... late 1800's ... and research was done ... say ... present day ... shouldn't an editor have been raising a red flag and had a discussion with Cassie before this book ever made it to wide spread sales?

Quote from Shadow Bear by Cassie Edwards

Shadow Bear responds: "What I have observed of them, myself, is that these tiny animals breed in early spring when the males roam the night in search of females." As the ferrets bound off into some distant bushes, he continues: "Mothers typically give birth to three kits in early summer and raise their young alone in abandoned prairie dog burrows."
Shiona: "I read that ferrets stalk and kill prairie dogs during the night. Using their keen sense of smell and whiskers to guide them through pitch-black burrows, ferrets suffocate the sleeping prey, an impressive feat considering the two species are about the same weight." Shiona shivers, upset by the thought of the cute animals locked in mortal combat.

Please realize that this entire conversation is post-coitus and even though my science nerd husband and I get into some pretty brain numbing "intelligent" conversations after having wild monkey sex, I don't think that Indian Joe and Little Caucasian Girl from The Prairie would have any such dialogue. Maybe I'm wrong.

I guess the reason I got so mad, no disrespect to Cassie herself because she has had a phenomenal career, was that this latest book demonstrates really bad writing (and if you are going to take the time to steal someone else's written word...shouldn't it actually read well enough to be worth stealing?) And yet this bad writing sells ... and sells ... and sells...

Thus Paul Tolme and every other superior feeling journalist out there is given the opening to poke fun at romance ... and in light of this current example ... I don't even feel right getting pissed off because the guy called it a "bodice ripper"... or took time to point out the really awful dialogue that was incorporated plagiarizing his work

Can we please raise the bar as an industry? Starting now?

BREATHE

JUST BREATHE

Okay, now that that is off my chest, on to something a little lighter...a post-coitus moment brought to you by Los Angeles comedy group Fries On The Side...and not appropriate for viewers under the age of 18 or others who may be offended by mature, alternative lifestyle humor.

Direct Link

Sign A Petition

I know, I'm Roxy Harte...normally I sign petitions to save jaguars, or whales, or to stop unfair labor practices, or to stop roads being built through sacred lands...or...okay, so this petition will not save any part of our enviroment or our internet...but by signing it, together, we may be able to bring back on of my favorite paranormal television series...The Dresden Files...

Sign The Petition Here.

Thank you...

If you missed the original series...and you want to watch the first season before commiting to the petition...you can get it at all the major dvd rental shops...you can also get it here...

And if after viewing the dvd you want more...
a) sign the petition
b) buy the books by Jim Butcher

and after reading Jim Butcher, you may find author Justin Gustainis entertaining... so check out his Black Magic Woman which I have been reading while I have been sick...

Okay, let me know if you signed the petition...I'll be giving away a copy of Dom/sub for Valentine's Day and the people who sign the petition get their name in the drawing hat TWICE...yay

I Thought I Was Better...

Had my hopes up for a few minutes this afternoon...but then after a five minute excursion into Kroger decided No, not feeling better...

This post on my Myspace page though...did make me smile...THX Paganfairy:)


My middle daughter called to see if I was better...although I know the truth lies in the fact that she wanted dinner and access to the washer and dryer (Cabrio rules)...in my heart I know she cares too cause in her sternest EMT/Firewoman voice she commanded me to call the Dr. and tell him I'm not better...

...And I had a call from Forgotten Girl who wanted to make sure I was alive...
...And a txt from Hookah Girl who just realized (after two weeks) that I had fallen off the face of the earth (guess that new guy IS ENTERTAINING...and he gets extra points because he read Sacred Secrets;)

...And a txt from my Real Estate Gal Pal Jess who is 2cm dialated and hopefully having a baby SOON!!!!!!

Also, got an email from B.D. Dark co-celebrating our February Joyfully Reviewed Pick of our anthology Dom/sub for February...

So all in all...a good day...even if I am STILL coughing up my lungs...

Waving A White Flag

After sleeping 90% of the day away, I woke up long enough to watch American Idol and The Biggest Loser and House all simutaneously...quite a feat for someone who can't hold their head up without major profanity issueing forth...yes, I'm that ill.

I am waving a white flag and hoping the enemy (ie infection, germs, super bug extraordinaire) pays attention.

I told Sir Hotness I was goiing to double up on the antibiotic...two for one and kill em dead...he explained that it doesn't work that way...

I've decided to double up on the pain killers instead...because they do work that way. Obviously, no writing...and barely any thinking is getting done...

Good night...

Dom/Sub is Joyfully Reviewed's February Recommended Read!

It's grey and rainy, I'm still sick, but my email today put a sunny smile on my face! And the kick in the pants I need to hopefully kick this bug so I can finish Submissive's sequel!! I am determined to get well!!

Congratulations Roxy !

Dom/sub has been chosen as one of February’s Joyfully Reviewed's Recommended Reads.
Your review will also be posted to Amazon and your JR Button is below.

Review Link: http://www.joyfullyreviewed.com/reviews/RRs/Feb08RR/Domsub.BDDRH.html

This is what Dee Valentine of Joyfully Reviewed has to say about this anthology...I find it a huge complement ESPECIALLY since Dom/sub also received JERR's Silver Star Award(Their highest rating for an e-book)...

Dee Valentine quote, "While I Joyfully Recommend Dom/sub, as I said before this is not for the faint of heart. There is more to these two stories than someone getting a spanking and then sexed until it feels like their heart is going to stop. This is a raw look into the BDSM world from the point of view of two authors who wanted to push the envelope. Bravo Ms. Dark/Ms. Harte and I do hope to see future books written by you!"

So, today, I hope that anyone who has missed reading this one will opt to QUICK BUY today!!
Hugs
Roxy

Happy Anniversary To Me!

On this day last year, Sir Hotness and I got married. Yay!
So how are we celebrating?
Sir Hotness is currently watching me sit on the couch simutaneously blogging and coughing up a lung. Yep...it's going to be one Hot anniversary...Yikes

My plans had been to spend the night in downtown Cincy, hit a couple pubs, and then spend the rest of the evening naked. According to the Dr I saw yesterday, I might actually feel like thinking about getting naked with my husband sometime later next week. Ugh.

So, I've been prescribed not one but THREE rounds of broad spectrum antibiotics, cough syrup that will get rid of the gunk in my lungs which equates to an even greater amount of coughing...and I thought he actually wanted to silence my cough...no such luck...although if I'm not coughing up my lung, I am sleeping thanks to the Codeine in the cough syrup...so maybe it is silencing my cough and I just don't realize it because I'm asleep...I also have an inhaler...I never really saw the usefulness of an inhaler...but now, after only three uses...I'm hooked...I can't wait for the next hit because it actually makes it so that I can BREATHE! Double Yay!

So, the doctor, who I have a thirty year history with remembered my last trip to his office which was in 2004 and I had fallen and damaged my kidney...his recommended treatment was to send me to the hospital...my recommended treatment was to get well at home...I won...but with major antibiotics and total bedrest for three weeks...

This visit he asked, "So, if I want to put you in the hospital, you'll listen this time, right?"

I was non-comittal on that note...
I think the massive amounts of drugs I came home with should do it...

In the meantime, wish Sir Hotness a Happy Anniversary cause our most romantic night is going to be pretty pathetic...

Getting Naked in Spain ...

You know, ever since well forever...I've had naked in public fantasies...usually in faraway places like France, Italy, Spain...

So in retrospect, I wish I could have been in Barcelona over the weekend for the nude protest over the fur industry including over 150 people posing in front of a church which dominated headlines in Barcelona, Spain on January 27, 2008.

The event was organized by Anima Naturalis, an international activist group that has staged similar protests in Mexico, Ecuador and Argentina. The protest took place exactly as noon just as worshipers were arriving for noon mass. The worshipers found themselves greeted to a mass or protesters curled up fetal style, and covered in what was meant to appear as blood, on the steps of the Saint Eulalia Cathedral.


For more information on Anima Naturalis go to www.animanaturalis.org

Big Wind!!!

Whew! We survived last night...wind gusts of 70mph out here in our "prairie"...
The dog was terrified...
The cats hid...
I was THRILLED Sir Hotness was home and not out of state (Or the country since he co-workers are all hanging out in India the next two weeks)...

Honestly, last night was scary...
And if scared already, why not kick it up a notch with the master of horror?
That's right...I laid in bed with the covers up to my chin, listening to the wind HOWL around our house, reading Duma Key by Stephen King...

So far, halfway in...I'm loving it.

This morning, we woke up to sunny skies and much colder temperatures but at least the wind has died down, the pergola is still standing, and we have a roof. Yay.

Also this morning, I spent an hour discussing the troubles in Haiti and why the world news led with Hungry Haitians Resort To Eating Dirt . Sir Hotness, who is reading Collapse by Jared Diamond, had valuable insight into the mess and why the Dominican Republic (on the same island as Haiti) is in much better shape...and also insight into why deforrestization has led to many of Haiti's problem going so far as to say that Haiti's problem could become a global problem if China and other huge deforresters don't start replanting efforts...but that's my soapbox for another day.

Grey Skies...

I awoke to temperatures that would fool me into thinking I was in Florida...but horrible grey skies too depressing to consider ... Another yucky day in Ohio...another yucky day for me.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired...

Today I slept until 12:30pm...then I did the strenuous task of taking a shower, chugging steamy hot Thera-Flu, and got almost dressed before taking a nap because the shower wore me out...

It's now five and I'm wondering where the day went. I started out with big plans, an entire chapter of A Submissive's Journey brewingin my brain, but no luck purging it onto the page. This blog post is taking all I've got to give and it is totally uninspiring. Crimey, I'll be glad to start feeling better soon.

Hopefully, none of you readers are sick...and if you are, I'm feeling you.
As a matter of fact, I'm going to take a nap now for anyone who needs one...

But first I wanted to share an image from this site:

The images defy the decades, but these remarkable pictures date back almost 100 years to the Edwardian age and the dawn of colour 'autochrome' photography. They are part of the exhibition The Dawn of Colour: Centenary of the Autochrome at the National Media Museum

Dom/sub A Hit...

So, I don't know if you remember all the hubbub surrounding the release of Dom/sub in October...but it turned out to have the best first month sales of any of my releases... despite the negativity of Dom written by BD Dark being too "hard core"...

That was a surprise!

Then it went on to earn Just Erotic Romance's Silver Star Award.

And I was really psyched...

And now, on its fourth month, I just received news of it's January sales and it's gaining momentum. Reader's love Dom/sub! YAY!

If you haven't read it...you can Buy it Today

Or if you've read it, but haven't seen the Chronicles of Surrender...you should definitely visit this site: Chronicles of Surrender.

So on thios cold, snowy morning, feeling too sick to get out of bed...I had to drag my laptop under the covers with me to share the news. Who knows...this could be just good enough to cure me:)

Another Cold Day In Ohio...Still Sick...Reflecting on Love

I hate cold weather.

I will probably make that announcement on a regular basis throughout the season...but I just had to say it again today....

So, why do I live in Ohio? Still?
I mean growing up, I didn't have a choice...but as an adult...I have choices, right?

Although, honestly, I really see my older age in a warmer climate...if I am this miserable at 43, not wanting to leave the house etc, how horrible will it be when I'm 75? or 85?

I'm not really sure where else I would want to live though...

I did have a note from a dear friend (who lives in Florida) this morning and that put a smile on my face as soon as I saw I had mail from her. The last time I saw her (in October), she was glowing with the joy of finding new love...so I was anxious to see if she was still blissfully happy and crossing my fingers she is. Here is part of her note:

"well love can be grand. especially when short lived."

Reading this I had to pout because the guy she'd found seemed so perfect...and I guess for awhile it was...

I think we've all relationships like that, when everything is so perfect, we enjoy the flurry, the whirlwind, the moment...because somewhere deep down we known it isn't permenent...there isn't a chance it can be long term for this reason or that reason...so many reasons...

so many REASONS!

When I met Sir Hotness it was intense...whirlwind didn't even begin to describe it...and he was perfect...and he believed I was perfect...and early on we had to start making choices, if we wanted to be together at all...since he lived in a different state...

Early in, we had a conversation about what it would take to make it work and we were both in agreement that "whatever it takes" to be together...which is so easy to say...so much harder to do...

But isn't that really the most romantic thing anyone can ever say to another?

"I will do whatever it takes to be with you."

Wow...

I do love that man:)

Sick Chik...

There are many days that I jokingly call myself "one sick chik"...based solely on the thoughts that go through my brain...today is not one of those days. Today I am stuck on the couch trying really hard to not cough up both lungs. So after two hours of sleep last night because coughing tends to keep everyone in the house awake (including the cougher) ... my brain isn't working so well...

Rewind Please...

Yesterday was a heartbreaking day for many fans who loved Heath Ledger and life he brought to characters in I'm Not There, Brokeback Mountain, Casanova, Lords Of Dogtown, Brothers Grimm, Candy, The Order, Ned Kelly,The Four Feathers, A Knight's Tale, Monster's Ball, The Patriot, and Ten Things I Hate About You. His portrayal of The Joker in The Dark Knight premieres this summer.

Of all his movies, though not as highly acclaimed as the others perhaps, A Knight's Tale remains my favorite.

Yesterday, when I read the news, only hours after he died, I couldn't believe he was gone. And then as the day progressed, I wanted this horrible tragedy undone. My thoughts and prayers go out to those who knew him and loved him best.

A NOTE FROM THE BLOGGER TEAM

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Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that
it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and
sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your
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Editted Note
**I am definitely doing the happy dance and am hoping whoever got twitchy with their Flagging Finger got that out of their system and will not darken the threshold of my blog again. I do not promise to post morally correct, politically correct, or in any otherwise stated content that would be acceptable for teens or housewives who thought I wrote for Harlequin...that said, I'm back and for the moment will be posting to this blog again...(and, until I can get the word out...the new blog)

I do hope in the near future to be able to start posting at a privately hosted site that will not shun me or otherwise lock me out for what some other perceives as moral interpretude...

Can I get a halleluia from the choir please?

Find Me At www.roxysflogblog.blogspot.com

Until this Violation of Terms Mess gets cleared up...visit me here.

I am writing up a storm so look for my latest Roxy Harte e-book this Spring!
Also, the TalkCasts will be resuming mid to late February...right now I'm committing myself solely to getting my unfinished, promised novels to my editors!

EDIT:1/21/2008 Post:
Not a productive morning so far, but now I'm writing, the sun is shining, and all seems right with the world...

Except that my old blog still isn't released from its jail cell and my reader numbers dropped severely...so that isn't making me happy...

If anyone knows of a great blog host...other than blogger, please let me know...
until then...an excerpt would be a great fill-in...oh yeah, I write erotica, if I post an excerpt am I going to get flagged as inappropriate again??

Ok, if that isn't enough motivation to pack my bags and move...
Awaiting suggestions...

In the meantime there are excerpts at www.roxyharte.com...enjoy
Hugs
Roxy

Can Anyone See This Blog?

I have a big flag on my Dashboard that says that my blog is violating terms of service due to content (I'm guessing they don't like self-promoting authors with liberal views and naughty sense of humor...)

Anyway, it says that I will be able to see my blog, but you will be barred from seeing it... so somebody tell me if you see this!!

Comment or email me at roxyharte at gmail.com

Brainstorming...

I want to send a big thank you to Xandra Gregory, my faithful critique partner of the past decade for talking me through all of the issues I've been struggling over with Lord Fyre's story. I've been promising it for what seems like forever, but at 80K words, I wasn't feeling it...and if it isn't good enough for me...I know it won't be good enough for you, dear readers.

Lord Fyre is my favorite...and being true not to a romantic formula but to the very essence of Lord Fyre's character has been his strength until now. My problem has been tring to make him fit into the role of romantic hero, or at the very least romantic anti-hero, and that has been like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole...and it just isn't going to work. Lord Fyre defies convention and I am going to stay true to the man.

At any rate, I have some bare bones ideas for where I went wrong (at about the 40K word mark) and a basic plan on how to bring the story back to where it needs to be.

In the meantime, I am 8K words into the short story I started on Monday and am feeling pretty good about being able to submit it to Loose-Id by Valentines day, sooner if at all possible.

And this morning, I did myself a huge favor when I woke up with a complete novel in my head...I outlined the idea and stuck it in a folder...I am not starting any new projects until I get what is currently on my desktop submitted to all the places they are promised to...

So if my blogging becomes spuradic, forgive me. I have a lot of writing to do.

Some Privacy Please?

According to a news report today, the ACLU is fighting to protect my right (or at least validate my right) for privacy when I want to have sex in a public restroom.

It seems that they really don't give a damn if I'm having sex...but rather want to protect Senators caught in the act...

Did you know that this was such a wide-spread problem that the ACLU needed to get involved? I don't know about you but if it has a trickle down affect...I'll be interested. Not that I'm necessarily interested in having sex in public bathrooms...but public places in general, you know?

I mean, if I want to do little getting back to nature, say in a Natl forest, would the ACLU get involved to protect my privacy there? Or what about in the back of a cab?

I'd probably have to become a US Senator to find out, but in the meantime, I'm dreaming of a world where I can get a little freaky and not go to jail...Sir Hotness just informed me that's Amsterdam...ahmmm...road trip anyone?

Until then, here's thanking the ACLU...

But Oops...seems AOL's readers aren't quite as excited as I am about the right to public privacy... Here's there poll results as of 3pm EDT...
Poll Results
What do you think of the ACLU's argument?
Thumbs down 80% 10,816
Thumbs up 20% 2,750

Note on Poll Results
Total Votes: 13,566

Everyone I Know Has Writer's Block

Is the winter weather?
Is it the winter holiday's blahs?

I don't know what IT is but I hope it isn't contagious...the IT in question? Writer's Block. And knock on wood...so far so good...I don't have it.

I actually started two new projects this week...both for Loose Id. (Gosh I hope they are happy to hear that...I haven't actually heard from my editor in months...) Actually, he's the new guy (new to me, as in he hasn't really editted anything for me yet) and I'm not one hundred percent sure that he is into BDSM erotica... which could be a problem since that is about all I write...

Anyway, to all my writing peers in the midst of a terribly uncreative week...SNAP OUT OF IT!!

research links

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Sunday Funnies ...

Tie Me Up Already!!

This is the plan for Saturday...Me, Sir Hotness, soft music and rope...
Have I mentioned what a happy girl I am that I found Sir Hotness ...
Since I'm not ready for my naked (or even semi-naked) 43 year old body to be photogued...I'll just share this awesome video that hit Youtube yesterday from Two Knotty Boys...

Direct Video Link

Hours Of Orgasms

I find some of the best stuff surfing the web. Take the essay on Expanded Orgasm from 24 Health...
"Expanded Orgasm is the art and science of expanding both sensual awareness and consciousness through giving and receiving genital stimulation. Expanded Orgasm uses one’s own pathways of body, mind, emotion and spirit to create maximum expansion opportunities - the goal and focus being simply to feel as much pleasure potential as possible." Patricia Taylor, PhD.

I suggest reading the entire article...then check out this book...
Expanded Orgasm: Soar to Ecstasy at Your Lover s Every Touch
which really expands on the idea of how to use touch to achieve "Expanded Orgasms."

The history of Expanded Orgasm goes back to 1976 when Vic Baranco gave a woman a three hour orgasm. However, the principle of this can be traced back thousands of years to ancient times.

So you are probably asking why you should care...that is if you haven't experienced it for yourself...

First, lets look at the typical orgasm...it may take a long time to build up to, but the actual pleasure takes only seconds and then poof...done. For most women (and men) that's it...

But that doesn't have to be it...what if that is only the beginning? Imagine being in that orgasmic state for an hour...that any part of your body could become orgasmic...

You owe it to yourself to do some investigation. Luckily for me, I had a very gifted lover who shared the concept with me...

It took running into this article today that I decided I should pass the amazement of the Extended Orgasm on to all of my readers.

BackTo The Grind

Mandatory Office Meeting at 9a.m.
Yep, I'm back at it...Real Estate that is...after writing until 3a.m. I woke up this morning trying to figure out why I am torturing myself so...
Especially after talking to Sir Hotness via cell until midnight about my career concerns... that I really don't see the real estate market picking up any time soon the backdrop for said conversation and my frustration with myself creatively at the cornerstones...

Here's the thing...
I know I am a good salesperson...and I'm a pretty awesome closer...
Then I have my writing career... which I need to kick in high gear in 2008... meaning I need the time and energy to devote to that full time (in my mind)...

So, best case scenario for 2008 ... find an agent that will believe in me, a publishing house that will give my writing style a chance, and walk away from the real estate drama once and for all...

Until then...I'm off to my 9a.m. meeting...because I refuse to consider the worst case scenario.

In the meantime, you can help support a struggling artist...buy one of my books...then write me to tell me what you think...because I really think you will enjoy my books.

Movie Night With Beautiful Girl

OMG I went to see Across The Universe today with Beautiful Girl...
We were the youngest in the audience!

Everyone was singing with the Beatles lyrics... imagine 60+ year olds singing and moving with the tunes...
then some guy (again 60+ and that is being kind) kept yelling out "I need acid! I need acid! We should all be tripping! Does anyone have any acid?" then he started asking people "Wouldn't this be better if we were all tripping? Oh yeah! This would be so great if we were all tripping out right now!" LOL

He had me convinced...
I think they should have passed out laced candy dots with the pop corn...
Although, as rowdy as the crowd was without any help...I'm wondering if we were all safer without being under the influence of hallucinagins...

If you haven't seen it...see it!!

Thank Goddess Routine Has Returned

I'm one of those people who really likes a schedule...I like ROUTINE
Call me boring but if I can schedule every minute of every day...I'm very happy.

I think it probably makes Sir Hotness nuts but he's gotten used to it over the last year, so now when I ask what we're doing this morning he will answer with something like, "From now (9:45am) until Eleven (am) I'm going to sit here, drinking my coffee and looking at you... that's when I get to make a funny "Look at This face" and stick out my tongue ... but it also helps me relax, because over that next hour I don't expect anything of myself other than being looked at (and usually talked to)

With him travelling for his job now, I started to feel a little dysfunctional...but then I started thinking...what in the hell did I do with myself pre-Sir Hotness? And the answer was that I scheduled every minute of every day ... it came as a surprising revelation that I have felt out of sorts for months and it all falls back on not having a strict routine...

When we first got married he used to joke.."What are you doing now?"
And I would answer with something like "It's 8:30 (am) I'm doing laundry."

Then as our marriage has progressed, I've gotten more and more relaxed and just go with the flow of the day...that screached to a halt with his new job and me home to deal...

So I am back on my routine and am at peace...thank goddess I had that epiphany! Think I'm kidding? This is how my day begins...

Today:
7am wake-up/shower/Drive Beautiful Girl to school
8am Start laundry
9am Walk at Park (2mi)
10am Clean House, switch loads
11am Surf and Blog
12pm bank and errands
1pm Self promo-marketing
2pm Pick Beautiful Girl up at school

After picking up Beautiful Girl I give myself the freedom to write because my world is in order ... but break that morning routine and my writing day is screwed...

So, how about you? Are you trapped by routine or does your day proceed willy-nilly?

You Will Not Want To Watch This Movie ...

If you read this blog and continue on to watch the link leading to the short film titled "Swinger's Serenade" based at www.Undergroundfilm.com ...don't say that I didn't warn you. You see I have that odd quirk to my brain that makes me seek out obscure films...the local Blockbuster Video guy knows to point me to the Single Copy New Releases...

But when I found this gem (with a slightly annoying narrator) I decided I had to share...

If you can get through the first few minutes of narative...
If you can get past that the film is black and white...

and...

If you aren't terribly offended by spanking, clothespins used as nipple clamps, and pony games...

Go ahead and click the link... but don't say I didn't warn you...
Me? I'm still laughing my ass off and can't wait until Sir Hotness flies back into town so that we can make our own low budget home-made porn...

I've been inspired...
Go ahead... WATCH IT HERE

Almost Positive I Woke Up In Ohio

Global Warming is a MYTH! Yeah, that's what lots of politicians want you to believe.
It's January 7th in Ohio and it was 70 degrees F today! At 5pm it is still 65degrees...AND...I have every window in my house open and the furnace off.

IT'S JANUARY!!!!!

Has it ever been 70degrees in Ohio in the middle of January?
I don't know but it seems highly unlikely...

And I'm almost positive that at some point this winter that we are going to pay for this glorious day In Spades...

But for today, I'm totally living it up in Ohio (which btw was warmer than parts of California)...so I took an early morning walk (1.5mi) and just for the hell of it I repeated at 2pm and took another walk (2mi)... I know, I'm outta control...

I also paced off the backyard for the raised beds I'm putting in this summer. I am totally ready for Spring. Can you imagine it staying this warm for the rest of the winter?? A total season shift?? I'd be so excited!! But then the flip side of that would be snow in July...or a repeat of last year when all my annuals FRIED because it was 100 degrees for 3 months in a row...

Anyway, today was enjoyed by me and the other two dozen people I saw at the local walking park...hope your day was as great as mine:)

Sunday Funnies ...

The Holidays Are Finally Over!! So, Sir Hotness boarded his plane to go back to work, Beautiful Girl goes back to school tomorrow...and if I was an eighth of an ounce more motivated...I might take down the tree. But no, I'm just not that motivated...

I was motivated enough to search out todays Sunday Funny!!

Ever wonder what Santa does in his time off???

Then there is the gift that I didn't get...hmmm, maybe Sir Hotness was afraid I'd get some Kinky ideas...nah, he already knows my brain is on kink overload...oh well, I'm sharing it with you now cause I just love bondage comics...

**Comic from Housewives At Play

A Trip To The ER Merits A Nonproductive Day

My phone doesn't usually ring before 10a.m., most of my friends know that I'm just not a morning person...writing until 3am has that effect on me... so when my phone rang at 6am... I knew it wasn't a good thing...

So, it turns out that middle daughter went to the ER with the stomach/intestinal bug that seems to be hitting everyone ... (My youngest and oldest also had it but no Dr. visits were required) ...

Six hours later I was home from the ER and trying to figure out how to disinfect myself, not only from her bug but whatever everyone else in the ER had as well...

Is it safe to inhale Lysol??? I don't think so, but if I thought it would work...I'd have been snorting it big time... anyway ... three more hours later and the entire house has been bleached and I've ashed my hands two hundred times ...

Sir Hotness, the smartass microbiologist says there isn't much I can do, and if I'm gonna get it, I'd probably already have it ...

Here's to hoping he's right and I don't get it...

So, how's my reading audience?? Well? Sick? Tired of taking care of puking kids?? Come on, tell me something, so I don't feel guilty for scrubbing and disinfecting instead of writing today...

**Editted by Roxy Harte
For those of you who wrote in about tonight's TalkCast...I apologize but with tonight being as insane as my morning...I missed it and had no way of telling anyone that I was going to have to cancel. I will be rescheduling soon, although probably not until next week. I just need to get everyone well. You are all very important to me and I hope you understand. (Although a TalkCast with me running back and forth between chatting and puking kids might have been a memorable episode LOL)

And A New Year Begins...

Whew...the company has all gone, the leftovers tossed...and the house is amazingly QUIET!!! I'd forgotten what quiet sounds like.

But I LOVE...LOVE....LOVE the sound of silence.

So how did you usher in 2008?
Did you make resolutions you know you won't keep???

I did...I broke my first resolution (to not bother setting Resolutions in the first place) by deciding that I should get into shape...and start walking 5 miles a day...
It was a pretty lofty goal...I actually only walked a mile and a half the first day...and today? Nothing...nada...
Why?
It snowed...
Yep, that's my excuse...
That and it was only eight degrees...

So much for my resolution to get in shape.

That's whay I hate New Years Resolutions...I never seem to keep them anyway.
Oh well...

Maybe you will do better at keeping your resolutions than I have been mine.

Ten Reasons To Make Sex A Top Priority in 2008

1. sex is a beauty treatment. scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. the sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. it stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. it's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. sex is an instant cure for mild depression. it releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaves u with a feeling of well-being.

6. the more sex you have, the more u will be offered. the sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. these subtle sex perfumes drive potential sex partners your way!

7. sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. it is 10 times more effective than vallium.

8. kissing every day will keep the dentist away...kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build up.

9. sex actually relieves headaches. a good lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts the blood vessels in the brain (also works to relieve pms cramps).

10. a lot of lovemaking can actually unblock a stuffy nose. sex is a natural antihistamine. it can help combact asthma and hay fever.

It's 2008!!

I hope everyone has a safe, sensual and happy 2008!


So how are you celebrating in the change of calendar??
Once again, as has been the last ten days...I will be eating too much, drinking too much, and playing too much...it has been a very long holiday season this year between sharing all the love with my kids and their partners/families and Sir Hotness's family, and his friends, and my friends...and no one's schedules matching...

Whew...I will be both relieved and sorry to see the holidays end so that life can return to some form of normalcy...the normalcy of the last ten days being more reminiscent of my twenties when my body recovered a lot quicker from all night partying...

Another difference from my twenties has been my outlook on today...
I used to wake up making long lists of life improvement strategies...I will's and I won't...like:
1. I will be a vegetarian
2. I will be more patient
3. I won't have sex with total strangers
although that soon re qualified because what exactly is a "total stranger"?

I have no lists this year, I do have plans and goals...
My big projects being the goal of getting The Chronicles of Surrender in print and on the book shelves...
My self improvement includes shifting my day job focus from stress filled real estating to a calmer and gentler lifestyle of teaching more Reiki classes, meditation classes, and possibly yoga classes...

Going one step farther, my home is calm and homey for the first time in two decades, partly due to Sir Hotness and my mesh and the peaceful lovely bliss that is wrapping our home in serenity...I want that serenity to extend into my yard and I have started planning the landscaping of a huge Healing Garden...lots of herbs, a labyrinth, and a workshop that I can use for my classes...

I know, it's a huge opposite from the extremes of my writing...but surprisingly, when I am surrounded by peace, I have my best sadomastic scenes form in my head...

And along the lines of sadistic scenes...yesterday I went to the hardware store with Sir Hotness...I may never buy another toy online...the hardware store has the best stuff!! Every aisle I was picking something up and saying, "I could use this to..." ...I think I was making Sir Hotness a little nervous because I entered our relationship as purely submissive even though I have always identified as a switch...and more and more lately my own sadistic tendencies is rearing its nasty, mean head...

Take for example my new fixation...thanks to the hardware store...
I found a tool called an insect zapper, basically it looks like a small tennis racket but with a wire mesh that is electrically charged, thus the bug zapping, and all I could think of was would it have enough ZAP to leave a cute little imprint (temporary of course) of Sir Hotness's ass?

So as I enter the New Year, that's what's on my mind...
Serene Healing Garden plans and whacking Sir Hotness with an electrified bug zapper...
Happy Holidays Everyone!!