Can I Get An OY VEY?

Unholy Promises went to edits...my lovely editor sent it back with its punctuation perfect and five questions...because I left a few dangles...I can't help myself, I love a good cliffhanger...but I agreed I needed to tighten things up...

And I enjoy this part the most because it means I get a second chance to deepen the complexity, heighten the drama, add a little more raging passion...

Then I get to question five...
I've added four chapters to answer a single question...and there really is no end in sight...I think my editor may hunt me down and smack me around a bit after this...

Oy vey...

Dom/sub Reviewed by Two Lips

Victoria of Two Lips Reviews gives Dom/sub 4.5 Lips! However, only 1.5 Flames when it comes to heat...I must have lost my touch or she really likes it smoking:) Between BD Darkly's very scary, how far is too far? And my pain play...I thought we'd managed a little heat between us...

I'll let my readers' judge the heat level...which as author's we both toned down a bit to fit into Loose-Id's comfort zone...

Anyway, here is the revew...which I loved...I'm just going to pout over that one and a half flames a bit longer...

Dominance by B. D. Dark is the story of Master Steve and his submissive, Kim. Holding a wickedly sharp knife over his submissive’s breast, Steven wonders how their play has degenerated so sadistically. He recalls how they met, reliving key points in their relationship, which has arrived at this pivotal point. Can he continue to fulfill his sub’s needs, while making sure no harm comes to her?

In Dominance, Ms. Dark brilliantly depicts how risky D/s play can become when both partners feel the need to escalate their demands. Being new to the D/s scene, Steve naturally wants to explore all his sub’s limits. This leads to some scenes depicting Japanese rope bondage, breast and wax play. I liked that he stepped back when his sub wanted him to engage in dangerous knife play, thinking about if this was the right thing to do. He comes to the conclusion that, as the dominant one of the pair, he must make Kim’s safety the top priority in the relationship.

Submission by Roxy Harte is the story of Julia Moran. Julia was married to Master Jasper for ten years, serving him faithfully until his untimely death. Two years later, she finds herself wanting to live again. Loving friends introduce her to Everett Hawthorn, otherwise known as Lord Draco. Will she be able to let go of her old life, courageously forging something new?

I felt for Julia in Roxy Harte’s Submission. She was part of the power D/s couple in their social circle. This makes her wonder if she should keep that mystique alive, remaining without a Dom or let her beloved Master go. When Lord Draco comes into her life, he introduces her to a different style of domination. He’s the perfect Dom for Julia because he doesn’t let her legendary past get in the way of his sexual demands. He pushes her boundaries and makes her confront the past in order to create something new.

You can BUY Dom/sub HERE!

Improve Your Marriage Bed...

When I was a lot younger...ahem...I married a lovely man and we had sex every day, several times a day...and then roughly two weeks into the marriage, he said, "Not tonight baby, I'm exhausted, you're killing me!"

Ever see the movie the Exorcist? Remember Linda Blair's spinning head? Yeah, that was my reaction...I wasn't prepared for rejection in My Marriage Bed! That was only the beginning...we had our moments...I was too tired...he was too tired...he came out of the closet (after years of saying he was "Bi-") and our marriage grew stronger because we worked through every problem and in the end entered into an open-marriage agreement that in today's terminology would be polyamorous...

That marriage ended in tragedy so who knows if our open-marriage would have survived the long haul...

Enter the second marriage...after being in an open-marriage...a monogomous marriage seemed tame by comparison but I wasn't competing with the "cute, sexy boys" of the past so I was content...until I found out about 2nd husband's other woman...yeah...ever see that movie...

I am now on my third marriage...and I am desperately and completely in love. I am determined that this one work through the good and the bad...and let's face it... having sex with the same person night after night is amazing...and it can be repetitive...it's easy to get in a rut...

After only 15 months as Sir Hotness's wife...and taking into account the amount of time he spends away, travelling for business, I can't honestly say we've even hit a bump in the road yet, let alone a rut, and if I have my way-we won't. But just in case...I'll be prepared...

Enter the mass amount of information out there on the bookshelves and online...I think that no one can ever know too much about sex, relationships, and keeping it entertaining...I mean, pick up this month's issue of Cosmopolitan and you can learn everything you ever wanted to know about his g-spot, but if you still want more just google it.

Here's an interesting book...Strategies to Spice Up Your Marriage.
The focus might surprise you...advice, techniques, some do's and don'ts...

Disclaimer...none of the following comes as quotes from the book...it's just my take on it...so buy the book (even if your marriage bed is perfect) and read on for the entertainment value of my take on things after three marriages...

1. Choose wisely when to fight, when not to fight...if you know that Friday night is a planned romantic rendevous...complaining Friday a.m. about the toilet seat being left up might not be a great idea...the truth is, the lid is going to be left up again tomorrow, so why risk no sex tonight?

2. Be sexy for each other...I can be honest...if I put on the silk teddy instead of the sweat pants and t before bed...I can be reasonably sure that something is going to come of it...and usually nakedness is involved. Vice versa? THe sweat pants and might result in sex, but they also could result in both of us falling asleep...so if sex is a hoped for outcome...go to bed prepared, including brushing, flossing, shaving, and making sure there's perfume in all the right places...

3. Talk about sex in the times between sex (trust me, right after is not the time to critique the performance)...if you are sitting on the back porch, enjoying the sunset and just happen to mention to your partner that that thing he did two nights ago with his tongue was amazing...it could very well lead to an encore right there on the back porch...which is why you might not want to mention it in the frozen foods section of the grocery store...

4.Make time for each other...get the kids in bed earlier...or better yet...send them to a babysitter's...

5. Text each other naughty thoughts throughout the day...if you both have sex on the brain for the better part of the day...sex is probably going to be a result...

Is This THe Behavior You Want In The WH?

So, I've never really declared a political affiliation...I'm liberal...to the far side of crazy liberal if you ask most conservative...

And this year, through the thick and the thin of it...I'm standing behind Hillary. Under the circumstances...I am so F'n tired of the Bush administration and the republican run of things--one would assume that I would vote democrat regardless of whether Clinton or Obama takes the party lead...

Not so much...
Obama's antics make it impossible for me to respect him. Here is one example..."Is he scratching his face?" or is he "giving Hillary the finger?"

Sir Hotness is a pro at the face-scratch finger-giving, of which I'd really never been exposed to before him...so I'm calling this one as I see it and shame on Obama for doing it...
Direct Link

Why Did I Go There?

Sometimes I get directed to a thread where a broiling controversial argument is brewiing...because I am usually pretty vocal in my beliefs--and the administrator thinks, "Gee, wouldn't it be fun to get Roxy in on this?"

Oh yeah...great fun...
Yesterday there was a post at Leslie Carbone's blog about the recent decision in California to recognise Gay Marriage...which obviously, I support...and obviously drew the attention of those who do not support it...

You got it, I dived In with both feet...
This is my latest comment (of several volleys back and forth) so if you'd like to jump in with a comment of your own...feel free to join us over at LC's:

This comment is directed at JAB in response to his comment:
Your main argument seems to be "it has always been this way so why change it" and that just isn't an argument. If one single example of gay marriage cannot be given,it is because gay marriage has never been recognized by the state; however, there are many instances of long-term gay/lesbian unions throughout history.

The argument that it has always been could have also been used in the fight against civil liberties. Based on your stance in this thread I can only assume that you would vote for the return of slavery, to appeal Roe vs Wade, and to deny the voting rights of women.

To deny that gay marriage is a civil liberty is ludicrous.

Because you keep referencing "pedophilia, incest, bestiality, polygamy, polyandry, groups, and mentally disabled" I can only assume that you have a lot of other issues and you are trying to lump perversions such as pedophilia and incest, and the fetish of bestiality into the same classification as non-perversion relationships ie polygamists and polyandrists. How these groups and the mentally disabled came to be involved in this discussion is beyond me. Also, the polygamist relations of Muslims and Fundamentalist Mormons might have been better cited as a separate thread.

The only real target of conversation on this thread should be the celebration of the recent California ruling supporting Gay/Lesbian Marriage or the counter argument that the ruling was somehow faulty. Obviously, I support Gay/Lesbian Marriage. You do not...

The argument that "It has always been this way throughout history" just doesn't work for me and thank goodness that there are many more than me who see a new future for our country (since this is not just a California issue) that includes civil liberties for all.

Friday Night...Friends...Beer

Friends are here from out of state and our beer tasting night officially began at 5pm...

First up: Cane and Ebel...nice rye...I love rye beers...but this one is a little hoppy for me...

Second: Harviestoun Ola Dubh Special 12 Yr Reserve...hubby and the guys loved it...all I can say is if you like your beer really smokey...this one is for you.

Third: Harviestoun Ola Dubh Special 16 Yr Reserve...better than the 12 yr. definitely leff smoke, fuller body, bit sweeter...

Fourth: Harviestoun Ola Dubh Special 30 Yr Reserve...WOW...the pre-dinner favorite all around! I have dubbed this one "The Night of Debauchery" because that is exactly what it tastes like...smoke, whisky, coffee, lipstick...and sex...all wrapped in a 11.2 oz bottle. This is the heaven of beers...more please.

Fifth: He'Brew Bittersweet Lenny's RIPA, a double india Pale Ale with Rye Malt...mmm...so much better than the first Rye...and if I hadn't tasted that 30 yr Special Reserve...I would have really liked it but now I'm too distracted...

Now, this beer tasting is being interuptted to grill steaks and bake potaoes...

No Longer Second Class Citizens...

At least in California, as of yesterday, gays and lesbians have earned a huge boon by being allowed to marry...

Maybe it's because we live in the United States and over 200 years ago this country was founded by religious fanatics...but most days, I just don't get it...

How many years were blacks enslaved...sent to the back of the bus...not allowed to share the facilities of Caucasians, including water fountains and restaurants? Too long...it should have never been that way...

Don't even get me started on the subjugation of women...yes we have the right to vote, burn our bras, and supposedly have equal opportunity in the career world...but how many men actually, honestly, see women as their equals? Isn't there always that...yeah but...? Thank the patriarical fundamentalist religious right for keeping those same men fueled with the idea that women are less...okay, just my opinion...don't freak out on me and tell me how enlightened your husband is because I have a pretty enlightened man myself these days...however, we also can all also recognize a chauvinist when we run across one...

Now, in the state of California, gays have (once again) been given the right to marry. I shall hold my confetti throwing for the day when every person in the United States is treated like a human being with equal rights...

Already, opponents of same-sex marriage said they had gathered more than one million signatures to place a constitutional amendment on the November ballot that would define marriage as between a man and woman, and effectively undo Thursday’s decision.

I just don't understand the problem here...
How does my right as a human being, wanting to marry another human being affect any other human regardless of our gender?

Can we please keep church and state separate on this one? I don't care what any one's religious beliefs are as long as their beliefs don't interfere with my ability to live happily ever after...

Comments? Reactions? Is anyone besides me almost celebrating?

Unholy Promises One Step Closer To Finish Line!

I love my editor for the Chronicles of Surrender...she absolutely rocks!!
For one, she is thorough, finding every side tangent, every character arc, every emotional upheaval...and making sure everything has resolution...

Sigh...
Which Unholy Promises still has some open endings which will be closed before the book goes to release...the one arc I thought would be a big gaping "What happened to???" she didn't question though...so maybe I sufficiently dealt with that drama...

Heavier sigh...
So, next week while Sir Hotness is out of town, I will not be working on the WIP that I'm soooo excited about...I will be working on getting Unholy Promises delivered...

Speaking of Sir Hotness...
He didn't "get it" but I found this video hysterical...

Either it was too many mojitos...too many hours editing...or my constant indecision about how to take better control over my own website...but I laughed...and replayed it...and laughed...
Yeah...I know...sometimes I'm such a geek.

When Everyday People Do Amazing Things...

There is a man in the Bay Area that has done (started) something amazing...I'd love for you to watch this video--because to summarize would take pages and yes, to watch this video you will need some time (20 minutes) and (the first two minutes are pretty dry...so give him a few to warm up...because when he unleashes his passion you will see why I said this is a video to watch) but if you are a writer, an educator, a parent, a pirate, or a super hero...you will be glad you watched this video.

This man concreted my belief...as so many people do who have stopped waiting for someone else to do something to change the world they live in...that one person can make a difference. One person...


Direct Link

I Haven't Written Anything...

Thank goodness it is raining today! Now, I can write...

After a horrible fall and freezing, never ending winter...give me an ounce of sunshine and I'm outside...including Sunday...when I was planting cabbage, broccoli, and chard in the garden...even though I was wearing a coat...yes, the winter coat...but the sun was peaking around the clouds on occasion, so I was game.

Monday...full on sunshine and I was out side wallowing in it...but it was chilly so I wore long sleeves. Tuesday...more of the same...bright beautiful sunshine and chilly...until about eleven am and then the long sleeve shirt came off, leaving me in a camisole...

Now, I know that I shouldn't do that...
Fair skin and freckles hate sunshine...
But it was just for a few minutes while I planted some perennials in the newly defined "bird-watching" garden...at one pm I went inside for a drink and hating it put on the long sleeves and straw hat...because yes, I really do know better...

I was too late...
I am officially sun burnt over 30% of my body...

I warned Sir Hotness when he married me...keep me out of the sun...cause it isn't a pretty sight...I think he's starting to understand...now. He was out all day in a tank top (ten am to 6pm) and...you guessed it...tanned. No red, no pain, definitely no blisters...

I wish I could say the same...
We made an emergency run to the pharmacy before they closed for aloe...the kind with pain relief...so as long as I didn't move a muscle, I could fall asleep...

Today it's raining...cloudy, light drizzle...thank goddess...and I will be planting the rest of my garden, today...in the rain...because it will be awhile before I'm ready to face the sun again...

And for the next few days, I'm going to catch up on my writing...whew...it's probably a good thing I live in Ohio and only have about three pleasantly sunny months a year...

International Fan Mail!!

I received this letter early this morning from "C" in the UK...
and let me just say, that I do love to receive mail from my readers because that really helps to keep me motivated...

"C"'s letter starts here (in yellow) my thoughts (as I read are in red):
I am so glad you have responded with an address where I can write to you to let you know how much I enjoyed reading the first two books in the Chronicles series and the impact they made on me. (Okay, I admit it, I'm a voyeur at heart...I truly want the details...until then, I'm letting my imagination run wild with it!!)

I am an avid reader of books of all types -romance to classic, basically I'll read anything as long as it stimulates me. Having said that, I do of course have my preferences one of them being that as a rule I steer clear of novels written in the first person. (You can see where this is headed I'm sure!) So, imagine my surprise when trawling through "Fictionwise" recently I stumbled across "Sacred Secrets" and suddenly realised I had been sucked into the excerpt with no difficulty whatsoever, hardly recognising that it was written in the first person such was the quality of your writing.The rest as they say is history. (You know, "C", I totally get the trepidation about first person...I've read some amazing...and some horrid. There is some skill level to it and for you to tell me that you were "sucked in" is a huge compliment. Many of my readers know that I was in talks with St Martin's Press for Unholy Promises but that they had requested that I do rewrites in the third person before a final contract could come about...I wrote it...they loved it...I hated it...no contract...and the rest is my history. I'm taking charge of my own career by believing in myself and I know that there is value in what I am writing and the way I choose to write it...)

I read a fair number of Erotic Romance and in particular those which have BDSM as a theme. Few have given me as much to think about as Secrets and Revelations. I particularly liked the depth of characterisation of the main protagonists with all their neuroses and flaws just like the rest of us.I also thought telling the story from different points of view was inspired but must have been quite challenging for you. - How do you get into the male psyche and that of two such different and intriguing males? (I'm afraid it would take years of psychoanalyzing to release all of the demons that create my inner thoughts and releasing them would probably ruin my writing...so I'll pass...and just enjoy the bounty of amazing, if sometimes scary, voices in my head.)

I also felt that Secrets had one of the most powerfully written scenes I've read in a long time. Namely the scene with Kitten in the glass cage at Lewd. I was Kitten in that scene and went through the gamut of emotions with her such was the compelling force of your prose. (This is why I really like to get mail from reader's...because it lets me know which scenes touch them and which scenes leave them cold...or in some cases, angry...I will never forget the vehement letter from "D" who couldn't get past the coffee refusal scene...and after much begging and pleading from me...she did move past it and finish the book...but I left her so traumatized from that one scene...wow...and yes, I enjoyed writing the glass cage scene and I can honestly thank my AMAZING editor for seeing that this scene also needed Kitten's POV, because originally, it didn't...and as I wrote it...it did become a very emotional transient moment...and ultimately changed the course of the series to investigate the magnetism between Lord Fyre and Kitten.)

At the time of reading Revelations I hadn't appreciated there were more planned in the series but I do remember thinking at the end ,"I'd love to know what happens next," as I did feel there were more secrets to Thomas than met the eye so I was delighted to find out the story will be continued in "Promises." I am so glad you enjoyed both and it may interest you that there are now Dr. Psycho and a Mistress Morgana sequels in the works...titled "Vow of Silence" and "Hallowed Screams"...it will be a bit for both of them because to get into each character's head takes awhile...figuring out their phobias, drives, emotional needs...etc...but I am shooting for 2009 and 2010.

After that?
It's been suggested that Jackie have her own story...I would so love to do that...
and...
in Unholy Promises a new character is introduced...Thomas's twin brother...who I am totally in love with because he is so dark, so sinister...so deliciously twisted...I just get goosebumps...whew.

Can you believe it? Two of them...

I could wax lyrical and discuss at length the myriad of themes in these books but don't wish to take up too much of your time. Suffice to say your writing has brought me great pleasure and I look forward to the next in the series. (You have honored me with your comments. Thank you for sharing them!)

I am writing from England (U.K.) and Erotic Romance over here hasn't quite made into mainstream as it would appear to have done in the States. (That's a discussion in itself !!) As a result, most of what I read in this genre I have to read as an E- book but I'm a bit old fashioned and those books which I have truly enjoyed I still prefer as something concrete. So, when I am in the States on holiday in the summer I shall be taking a break from the usual "touristy travails" and heading to a bookshop where hopefully I will be able to purchase all three in print as they definitely deserve to be on my keeper shelf. I know that Sacred Secrets will be out in print by this time next year (it is a slow machine) and will then be available at Amazon online so I would think that even in the UK, you should be able to get it!

It's a funny thing that you said erotica is more mainstream in the US than the UK...because everyone here is telling me to get a UK agent and try to get a print contract through a publisher there...because the prospects here when it comes to erotica are slim to none...

Wishing you continued success. (From your mouth to goddess' ear, love:)

AN UNHOLY CONTEST!!

AN UNHOLY CONTEST
For those of you anticipating the Unholy Promises release, I thought it might be fun to find out who reigns as the favorite character in the series...

You can reply in an email or you can comment here and a winner will be selected from those who enter the contest to win one of the very first copies of Unholy Promises!

Also, if you have any questions, comments or thoughts about any of the characters that will also qualify as an entry...

Reader Question

Cathy Wrote:
Having recently read the previous two books in this series, I am greatly looking forward in continuing to be challenged by this thought provoking series with "Unholy Promises."
I am wondering if you like thoughts and comments from your readers on your novels and where would be the best place to send them? - I admit to being Internet inept and unable to find a suitable place!

Hi Cathy!
Actually, I'm glad you asked because I love readers thoughts, comments, reactions...
So in answer to the where do I send it...
RoxyHarte at gmail dot com

So, I'll be looking forward to hearing from you:)and from any of my other readers who are reading this and always wanted to know...

One Step Closer...

Received an email from my LSB editor today and edits have officially started on Unholy Promises!!
Yeah!!! Woot! Yippee! Throwing confetti!

I was getting worried because I love the gal who has done all the previous edits on the Chronicles of Surrender...and not to fear--she is working on the edits even as I type this (well, I guess technically she could be in bed for the night but it sounded good...)

Whew, what a relief!!

In other news...
Phoned a friend tonight to ask her to read a few chapters of the WIP in progress...really just want to get a lesbian point of view...because I am either right on target or this really sucks, I've found there are very few places in between...so tentatively next week we are sitting down together...

Sir Hotness just walked in from the airport so to keep him from feeling ignored and unappreciated, I am going to go jump on him now;)

This is a Test, This is Only A Test...

okay, so normally I go to my crit partner first...and ask for the "Is this just too bizarre" for the normal, mainstream crowd...

Yesterday, I sent a few chapters to a loyal reader who seems to have a level head on her shoulders and I assumed would give me honest feedback from a more mainstream pov...

And I got an almost immediate response on chapter one...high difficulty...as in too much information...spread it out a little...

Yikes...
Back to the computer...
So I blew my 6K words per day goal...but the overall average is still 5k per day, not too shabby, especially considering all the "trying to leave the day job behind" drama...and the extra hours needed to make it a smooth transition (for who I'm wondering?)
But I did completely redo the entire first four chapters to incorporate everything from the first and spread it out more, for hopefully, an easier and more enjoyable read...
So my word count only went up 2K for the day...but it was an all day process of cut, paste, rewrite, reword...and connect all the dots in between...

News in the world of edits...
The edits were officially completed by the "boy" editor which I was nervous about...based solely on the fact that he was a "boy" and now I after peeking at his comments and etceteras...I am thrilled he was on the job! Very nice incite into what I was trying to accomplish and even though some of my writing style (...doing the long thought--to express a sharper idea) made him insane, although he was kind enough not to say so; he went with it and figured it out and still loved the story.

He also came up with some great insight into how the character would react to this and that's and was absolutely right...why didn't I think about that?

So now the ball is back in my court and I hope to have a final ms to Loose-Id by Friday...Woot...Yay!!! Throwing CONFETTI!!!!!!

The process for Unholy Promises...that is a whole other saga...
Seems edits have not yet started and that is a bummer. It was suggested that I use a different editor and although I really don't want to, because it took a long time to get used to the wonderful woman who edited the first two Chronicles and I think she would agree that we've butted heads more than once but that in the end better stories were extracted; I may have to.

The truth is, I have several manuscripts waiting in the wings and I wanted to get all of the Chronicles (there are 6) released before I sent LSB material that was not "Chronicles"...
Which is why I went seeking a second company and found Loose-Id...

I've since revised my thinking and have decided to send some of the material that has been patiently waiting to LSB but am now held up by the editing delays...

Okay, the stress of a writer, still a piece of cake day compared to what I left behind at the day job...

At some point...everything will be edited and everything will be released...and all I have to do is keep up my end of the bargain, putting out 5k per day (and hopefully, some days 6k)...

Just sign me,
So Happy To Be Writing Full-Time!!!

Still Writing...

To be honest, I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time blogging until this latest WIP is done...6K words yesterday...bringing this new ms up to 26K...

I'm very pleased since I just started it Saturday a.m.
I'd like to hit 40K by tomorrow night when I pick up Sir Hotness from the airport.

The good news is in all this...I have finally come to a place of peace about leaving my day job and writing full time...scary as hell of course when thinking about my income being out of the picture...but I went to the chiropractor yesterday and my blood pressure was back in a healthy range...I think the assistant said 118 over 70...if anyone can agree or disagree that that was "good"...whereas for several weeks it has been running 160 on the top which had them "concerned"...

So hopefully...no doctor visits are in my future...doctor phobic...and my chiro knows that I would have to literally be at risk of imminent demise to go to a hospital...so lifestyle changes really need to work...and getting rid of that type-A personality, high pressure day job was the most important change I could think of...

Type-A Overachiever

I had a horrid day Thursday which promised to drag into Friday...and on and off through the whole weekend. The problem isn't the person causing me the problem, but myself. Why? First let me explain some backstory...

I've struggled with type-A personality my entire life...being overly competitive, needing to be the fastest, strongest, smartest, sexiest, most popular...you name it and I needed to do it better than anyone else. I am a people pleaser to the umpteenth power.

Makes for a great slave btw, thanks for asking...lol.

The problem is...for me it's a problem...a compulsion. I was forced into counseling when I was fifteen...what nowadays is recognized as a "cutting problem" was diagnosed as failed suicide attempts...thankfully my parents did things old school...no hospitals just the privately paid practitioners who made house calls...

The problem was, they all thought I was lying...they honestly thought I wanted to kill myself...I had no intention of dying...I only wanted to hurt myself...

I was smart enough to figure out that if I was checked daily for fresh bleeds...I wasn't going to be able to do what I wanted in life...

I found other ways to inflict pain on myself...slapping, belts, switches...and best of all most bruises could be explained away...

I'm not sure how I really survived being fifteen...
I fell from grace, dropping from top of my class to ninth...all because of a single "C" on an otherwise perfect record...the sky did not fall but almost...and new ways to trigger intense pain were learned.

It was a compulsion that would follow me into adulthood...until at twenty-one I started writing down all the stuff in my head...I met my muse.

I still have a penchant for pain, but now I let others torment me for fun and sexual gratification...not for reasons of self-loathing and punishment...see...I'm healed. Woot!

One would think...
On Thursday I got an email from someone I barely know telling me how disappointed they were in me because I could not meet with them until today, Monday, five whole days after the request for a meeting...really? DISAPPOINTED? In me? Seriously.

I cannot ever remember anyone in my life ever using those exact words, because even at my most messed up...first and foremost I pleased people.

I have been beating myself up mentally ever since.
I KEPT SEEING THE EMAIL IN MY HEAD!
Disappointed.
Disappointed.
Disappointed.
Sir Hotness said stop thinking about it...like that works...

How did I survive Thursday to today? I wrote...a lot...my muse came to my rescue in big way and for three of the days...Sat, Sun, Mon a.m. I focused on a new WIP...logging 20K words...and watched Ironman in between...the thing was...I had to keep my mind busy or I would think about that email.

So today was the meeting with the one I'd disappointed...
The thing is...she didn't need to see me before today...and even after meeting... nothing was resolved that couldn't have been handled over the phone or by email... there is one pet-peeve that I have and that's wasted time.

Today, I wasted four hours...
But from Thursday until the meeting I wasted countless moments in self-flagellation...if only of the mental variety.

It's a reasonable conclusion that I am still having problems with my fight to destroy my type-A personality but thanks to all the angst and emotion that came out of this weekend...I have a fairly good start on a new manuscript...