It's Over...

I cleaned out my desk and turned in my office keys (I quit my day job) ... whew... I think my stress level dropped one million percent with just that one decision.

For those of you who didn't know this about me...I was a real estate agent who specialized in REO (foreclosures) properties, and a few years ago...I loved my job...sold a lot of houses to investors and people who wanted to turn a big profit with quick easy fixes...then last year the market took a horrible turn and more and more people are losing their homes and maybe it was just easier for me to not see the people behind the houses when there were just a few foreclosures...but now...it's friends, it's neighbors, it's people who I see at the grocery store and gas station...and I couldn't keep smiling and looking them in the eye, knowing sometimes...many times...just how many days they had left in their home because I was the one doing the BPO (price analysis) for their bank. If I hadn't already made my decision, this article would have pushed me to have made it. There is so much emotion, so much pain and suffering, so many lives being torn apart because of the state of emergency the mortgage lenders are in...

At an office meeting, one of the "top dog" real estate agents referred to the people losing their homes as "lazy losers" and I lost it (actually, I raised my hand and made an impassioned statement in defense of the homeowners because the position they are in is not to be blamed on their not being willing to pay or not working hard enough...predatory lenders are the root of the problem not the individual homeowners) and I was the one who lost the respect of many of my co-workers that day. And trust me, I get it...when you start to have a heart...it's time to get out. The problem was ... I'd always had a heart and wasn't about to let a job kill my humility and compassion...

It was time to get out...
And even though I said the words "I quit" two weeks ago...assignments had to be completed ...
and it was harder to let go than I even dreamed it would be...

My manager wasn't as understanding as my husband...
I don't have to live with her so her comments shouldn't keep me awake at night but they have...I can't think of a single time in my life when someone has told me that they are "disappointed in me" or in her last email "very disappointed".

I'm a people pleaser. I don't disappoint people. Until her...

So, now, I face this morning with excited hopefulness for my future. My plans include writing full time and in addition to the BDSM erotica I have been writing, I have also started a chit lit and a paranormal suspense... gardening (I have already harvested a batch of spinich and 2 quarts of strawberries) ... and some long set aside hobbies (beading, crocheting, and bicycling).

I will also have more time, energy and desire to focus on being the kinky, laid-back woman my hubby married. Yeah!