12.07.2006

Checklists, Negotiations, and Safewords

I remember meeting the New Hotness (easy since it was only a few weeks ago) and thinking...Daammmnnnnnnn...cause yeah, at first sight he really did it for me; however, I merely labeled him eyecandy because I'd made the decision after the last relationship that I would only date men (or women, if the right one came along) who really GOT ME. I was tired of being in relationships with someone who didn't have a clue...

(and I'm really sharing this today for Lila's benefit because she's young, sexy, horney, and still believes that any relationship is better than no relationship at all...and yeah, I've felt that way too. It's the companionship factor. We all want to be held, spoken softly to, and made to believe that fairytales do come true...even if it's Mr. Wrong doing the holding and he talks too loud about things he knows little about, because for a moment in the dark, eyes closed, body trembling, he kindles that belief that HEA could happen. And then the thought process starts that expectations are too high and he really just needs another chance...just say no, Lila, Mr. Right is out there. Someone who will UNDERSTAND your wants and needs even before you have to explain it...)

Which brings me to the title subject of today's post.

What took the New Hotness from merely eyecandy to He's The One in less than a day?
I had real hope brewing under the surface of the ice walls I'd built around myself when I saw he wore a pentagram necklace (Don't discount the virtues of shared spirituality in a relationship, regardless of the religion, because it lifts the entire relationship to a whole other level)...

Then the ice cracked when I threw out a subtly coded BDSM remark (because we were at a very Vanilla place) and he remarked back, "Safewords are good." Then he walked away and I soooo knew I had to find him in the crowd. I did. Slipped him my number, which I NEVER do and hoped...

He called. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh.
Long, serious talks followed and the very long-distance BDSM relationship was born. It became evident from the beginning that our conversations weren't going to tread safe ground but scramble over the rough terrain of conversations usually reserved for after you know each other a little better...meaning after the first sex encounter. We jumped from, "Where's your favorite restaurant," to "How do you feel about..." in one breath. Within a very short time I knew how he felt about all the major topics on what is traditionally the BDSM checklist, and he knew mine.

Then, he threw out a scenario, I took the bait, saying, "That would be fun." Not realizing we'd negotiated our first scene. Yikes.

It dawned on me only after I was in my car, driving to his place in the pouring rain for our first Play Date that we hadn't really discussed Safewords. I never really thought about it because I've only safed out once ever and it seemed unlikely I would safeout with the New Hotness but really...he was a total Stranger. Seriously.

I immediately called not one but two friends and told them EXACTLY where I would be and arranged safe calls at designated times...okay, I felt a little better...but still nervous as hell. So, pulling into his drive, I called him. He thought my nervousness was cute and told me to stop worrying that if I want to stop the scene that's all it will take is me saying so...and then he walked out to the car and took my hand and led me inside.

Since that moment, I haven't had a single thought about Safewords...


**After writing this post I came across an entertaing page...please, check it out...and when you do, scroll to the bottom of the page....fast, because the video starts playing as soon as the page loads...you'll have time post-video for checking out the individual pics:
CZECH SEX MACHINE MUSEUM

6 comments:

Roxy's cute little girl pet said...

*stubborn pout*

He is Mr. Right.

Mr. Right Now

Priceless said...

We are totaly on for an anthology, especially if Sir New Hotness is proofing!

Anonymous said...

Great post

R said...

Sounds like a very interesting first play date. Good inspiration for your writing I would think. Hopefully I will get to read more about these adventures some day. Also,I would have you know that the link to the sex museum story was terribly distressing. After going there I had to completely throw out my holiday shopping list and start over. The sex chair looks wonderful. I can see some new furniture in my future. In any event, nice post and I look forward to your next book (and any that may follow).

BTW
you are cute when you're nervous ;)

Priceless said...

Wait! Is this Sir New Hotness?!?!?!?!

Is he talking about nervousness for the mysterious to be named hot sex act?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

Effectiveness of boob shirt: 10 out of 10

Number of boob grabs: 4

Number of bouncers lured by my feminine charms to make sure we always get in: 1

Number of lame ass guys: 100000000000000

Number of snarky/bitchy text messages sent to Halloween blind date guy by my roommate from my phone: 5

Number of dumbass text messages back:7

My general drunkeness (at 2:30 am) 8 out of 10.