Coping Mechanisms...

Have any idea what coping mechanisms really are?

Basically, it's what we do subconsciously to deal with stress... here's a long definition... but the bottom line it is behavior that we do (usually without realizing) to get through to the moment when we can breath again after a stretch of extreme stress.

I know I am a survivor. I've had major conversations with men and women who went to school to identify what a person should or should not be worried about when it comes to mental illness. I wish I could blame insanity for some of my decisions in this lifetime but I couldn't even get a diagnosis of depression when I tried once...just a pat on the back and congratulations for having good instincts of how to deal with the stress I was under... ie ...I have great coping mechanisms to survive intense/insane/unusual/life threatening situations...

I should, I've had my share of "situations"...

But having hit a certain level of comfort...I'm in love, I'm happy, I'm not worried about losing the roof over my head or having enough food for my kids, my writing career is finally going somewhere...it didn't even dawn on me that I've been "COPING"...

Really....

Aside from the nervous tic, I'm feeling pretty good about who I am, who I want to be, and where I want my life to take me...

So, why did it dawn on me at 5:45am this morning that I am utilizing a whole bunch of coping mechanisms? Compartmentalization and Dissociation just to name a few...

So, between 5:45am and 7:45am when I actually forced myself out from under the covers, I thought a lot about what I'm doing that I don't like and why...then I came up with a plan to stop coping with my life and start embracing my life...tic causing insanity and all.

This afternoon I laid down in the grass and soaked in some sunshine, Jazzi joined me...two hours later I didn't even berate myself for not writing...

This evening a woman called for a tarot reading and I could tell by the desperation in her voice that she needed a voice of reason...I know, she called me?...I gave her information she needed to make sane, rational decisions...I didn't charge her a single cent...and two hours of readings later...I felt whole again...

In my new life...married, not working, writing full time...I'd forgotten what helped me stay sane through the hard (leaner) times and remembered just in time what could keep me sane in the here and now: tarot, Reiki, prayer, ritual, meditation, and yoga complete me...and somewhere along the way, I stopped giving myself an adequate amount of "me" time. Add in all of the drama of the last few weeks and it's affected me...mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I'm much more happy and relaxed tonight just because I took enough time this morning to figure out that the coping mechanisms I was subconsciously relying on to get me through the moments between caffeine overload and adrenaline rush weren't working.
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Funny story from mid day...
I had to run to town for a minute (between sunsoaking and tarot call)...
I left all of my computer screens up, as I usually do...
Beautiful Girl called me on my cell and as soon as I answered, "Hello?" She screeched, "You're buying a vibrator?"
As a matter of fact, I was considering it, but since my youngest daughter has exhibited little psychic ability, I wasn't sure how she knew that...
I played it cool and asked, "What compelled you to ask that?"
"I have proof!" She said gleefully, "You left the website open to the one you have picked out."
It took me a minute to remember back to the morning (pre-sun) and yes, as a matter of fact I was looking at vibrators, but I was only comparing functions...for writing research...honest. Which is exactly what I told her adding, "It's all there. Page one, chapter one. Read it."
From the sounds she made, you would have thought I asked her to swallow a live goldfish...or two. Reading Mom's bdsm porn is obviously not an option...lol.