My Poor Neglected Blog...

I hope summertime is finding all of my readers well...
and hopefully still following my blog, although my posts have become sporadic.

For that, I apologize...

Life went a little crazy on this end...all three of my daughters were (are) experiencing some pretty heavy life issues...and I'm only one mom...it doesn't help that geographically, if we are each points of a triangle, there is a 90 minute drive each direction (thank god one daughter lives at home or I would be insane by now.)

By the 6th things had calmed enough to finally get focused back on my WIP Pornstar and in two days I added 12K words to it. I want to call it DONE... complete... finished! But last night as I sat poised to push SEND and foist the thing to my editor via e-mail, something in my brain said..."Wait!"

I didn't send, I went to bed.
This morning that nagging "Wait!" is still lurking in my brain. So, I'm sitting down to read it, caffeine in hand, cover to cover...to try to figure out what is wrong, what is missing, and why I can't seem to let go of this one.

Mental.
Oh, yes, I'm certain part of it is mental...
Every author exposes bits of himself/herself when they write and if ever an author actually believes that every work is completely 100% separate from self, they are lying to themselves. I wonder what this latest book says about me.

I've never written a pure F/F scene. I've glossed over a few, but left the nitty gritty to the readers imagination...not so much with this book.

Sure, there is lots of M/F and some BDSM play, but what makes this book different is that I have totally embraced my inner lesbian and haven't shied away from the most intimate details. And I'm not necessarily talking about the physical aspects...it's the psych that makes me feel exposed. And I have no idea why. I have no problem writing about M/F sex...I use my own experiences for story fodder to some degree...and that seems okay. So, why this sudden shyness with sharing my writing when it's from the F/F POV?????

Last night I let Sir Hotness read a scene. He liked it, liked it a lot...but then he said, "This part...I don't think that's physically possible." and we debated it for some minutes and he felt sure that it couldn't happen realistically...I demonstrated that it could be done. He walked away shaking his head and muttering something about not everyone can do yoga moves..."whatever."

The point is, I shared something that was emotionally very edgy for me...and he didn't see that part...or maybe he did and just didn't focus on it. Maybe focusing on the physical saved us both from facing something critically important.

(I think everyone reading knows by now that I consider myself Bi-, my husband and my children know that I am Bi- and even though that makes at least one of my daughters squeamish, we get by. I'm just who I am.)