5.16.2007

Don't Tell Your Lover

Having survived the BIG RELEASE DATE of Sacred Revelations, I was surfing the web this morning and according to AOL today...which I have here in YELLOW...


Four Things Never to Tell Your Lover
(My thoughts are in PINK)

Whether it's your third date or you've been married for 30 years, there are some things you should never tell your partner. Why? It's hurtful!
(But then again, don't they NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH? I mean, if he has a little dick, and women have lied to him his whole life about it being bigger than average...shouldn't he be told that, "No, it's just average...")

Sometimes you can best show your love by keeping your mouth shut. There are four specific times when it's best to not say what you're thinking. In other words, bite your tongue ...

1. Reminiscing about an ex during a special moment
example: You're cuddled up watching the fire slowly burn out while the snowflakes fall gently from the sky. You turn to him in the glowing firelight and say, "This reminds me of the time Bryan and I were skiing in Colorado." As Cox warns, "Come on -- he knows you've been around the block, spare him the addresses."
(On this one I actually agree...I have to admit I really don't think anyone wants to hear that what they are doing or where you are doing it reminds you of someone else. Unless a breakup is in the near future because you found out he really is screwing your best friend...and then, by all means...reminisce! Let him know that the ex really did have a big ass dick and wow did he really show you that he actually knew how to use it when he took you skiing in Colorado...so much so that no actual skiing took place because you just stayed naked the whole trip!)

2. Betraying each other's secrets

There is one sacred rule about pillow talk: It is never ever to be repeated, to anyone. This is especially true when one of you divulges anything derogatory about friends or colleagues or makes those intimate, highly embarrassing childhood confessions. So when you meet her boss, don't say, "Jen is right. You really do look like that woman on 'Ugly Betty.'"
(This is especially true if you know intimate details about who tied your colleague to the St Andrew's Cross and made him squeal like a girl...*grin*)

3. Criticizing when your honey is trying his or her best

So he doesn't fold the laundry just so. And she doesn't do the yard work with the same meticulous attention to detail as you. Get over it. When your partner is truly trying his or her best to do a job, especially if it's an opportunity to help out in a new way that gives you a break, don't criticize.
(Okay...sometimes their best just isn't good enough and their fingers, tongue...whatever...just isn't doing it. So in that moment I honestly believe it is in everyone's best interest to show them the way you want it...and don't think of it as criticism, think of it as instruction...)

4. Constantly apologizing

Women especially tend to apologize -- a lot. Some might even say it's too much. "Women seem to have far too many polite genes. He knocks a cup of coffee out of your hands, and you're the one who apologizes,"
(Please! STOP APOLOGIZING!) Unless you left a way bigger welt than you intended and future play is at risk, no apologies are necesary.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I fall firmly in the "lovers don't need to know everything" category. Not sure the 4th fits in with the rest. I have a thing about apologizing anyway. Actions are everything. Apologies are a social lie we teach our children. You can't really undo harm you've done to another with words or deeds. You can feel guilty, but that doesn't make it right. The other person giving you the apology wants you to absolve the guilt, but it doesn't (and shouldn't!) take away your memory of being wrong. and obviously, i'm not talking about knocking a coffee cup out of someone's hand.
just my 2 cents.

Kay Richardson said...

Once I told my lover the truth about my fake identity/getting off with the dog/santa claus all in one day.

She dumped me