Sunshine! And Happiness!

Yay...we have sunshine in Ohio...finally!

I'm happy! Actually double-happy because last night I finally heard from my middle daughter who works at a fire department... she said, "If you text and I don't respond in four days...then worry."

Is she joking? If I text and she doesn't respond in four hours, I'm already worried...eight hours, I'm pacing...and ready to go find her! I told her, "I know you're busy but if you can just quick text the word "Ok." then I'll know you are alive and we can both get on with what we were doing. She doesn't get it... because she knows she's fine... and because she's a firefighter... she expects danger...and disasters are a pure adrenaline rush...it's what makes her job...her job. And to be fair, she did text me Monday night...I just really wanted to hear her voice because I missed her. So I asked her what she was doing that kept her so busy and her reply was, "Rescuing people who won't stay out of the water."

Crazy but true... as I've seen first hand.

I took three different routes to get were I needed to go yesterday to avoid the water, but I also saw drivers disobeying the "Road Closed, High Water" signs. I guess they were in a bigger hurry than I was...or hate being late (I must not mind at all because I am usually late everywhere I go, unless I set a timer to bring me out of the fog of my writing)... or maybe they haven't experienced tragedy yet on a personal enough level to make them cautious enough to respect how fragile life and the human body really is (I wish I could say that was true for me.)

I worry about my daughter but I'm glad she is who she is, doing what she is doing. I'm proud of her and not because she is a firefighter... but because of who she has become--strong, independent, self-assured and compassionate.

Last night, after talking to her, I got out the old photo album and looked through it. Her dad was only a year older than she is now when he had the car accident that would leave him brain-damaged and a quadraplegic. That tragedy changed who I was too... and I look at the photos of me at twenty-one, weighing in at 106, soaking wet, and wonder where that girl found the strength to do all that I had to do ... to make all of the decisions I was too young to be making about his care ... and working ... and raising my two babies (age 1 and 3 at the time.)

I missed my twenties completely.
My thirties I focused on my career...raising teenagers...and taking care of my elderly parents.

That's why I disappointed my oldest daughter last night...
I understand that she is twenty-five with two babies in the house, and she feels like her youth is passing her by... and I totally understand that my grandbabies make her insane some days and she just wants to escape and have a good time ... but last night I refused to change my plans for this weekend (although I offered to take the babies another weekend) so that her weekend would be more fun. I refused because I already have a fun weekend planned for me... and friends are coming into town that we haven't seen since Fall.

Two years ago, I would have changed my plans.
That was before ...
Before meeting Sir Hotness in October 2006...
Before having to stand up to my children and my friends and coworkers and everyone else who wanted me to do something other than what I was doing ... falling in love ... and feeling like I'd rediscovered my twenties.

I remember my daughter asking me why "This man?"
And I had to tell her the truth... "He's the first man who has made me feel what I felt with your father and I haven't felt really alive since I lost him...until now--with this man."

Call me selfish, but I have a couple lost decades to make up for...