Kinky Secrets...

I have often wondered how other people manage raising children and having a kinky life. Should it be a hundred percent secret and if so, for how long? Because from my POV, kids are smart, and even if you think you're keeping your dirty little secrets in the closet (or basement) are you really?

Case in point, I'm an erotica writer and even though I spent years writing after the children were in bed, password protecting, and other insanely creative ways to protect my children from the truth, about a decade ago, when my oldest daughter was sixteen she not only found one of my manuscripts (printed and hidden) but "borrowed it." When I discovered it missing, to say that I tore the house upside down looking for it is an understatement. It was gone... It turned up a day later, back in it's original hiding place but much worse for wear and I had a sneaking suspicion that the seventeen year old was involved. I waited for her classes to be over (she was in college at the time) and then I waited for her shift to be over (Sous Chef) going nuts on the inside waiting. When she did finally get home and I asked about it, she was very honest...
"I love it that you're a writer and your book is awesome!" (I wasn't sure whether to feel better because of the affirmation, or queasy that I had inadvertently exposed my daughter to BDSM) "Besides, I needed something for the all-night read-a-thon." (oh, no.) "But it's okay. It was smashing! Everyone loved it! It was passed by chapter around the coffee shop! We even did the best parts as aloud readings!" (oh dear god! I was trying to imagine the scene of her very artistic, Goth college mates, reading my erotica over cappuccino with live acoustic guitar in the background (which if I hadn't been so upset and after having a decade to reflect now seems like a pretty cool way to share my work) ...at this point I had to ask, "Please tell me there were no minors in the room" to which she assured me that she was the only "child" present and she didn't count right, because she was my kid? ... (I'm still having nightmares.)

At this point, we had to have the serious talk, that she was to never do anything like this again ... and ... she wasn't to breathe a word to her sister. Her answer, "Uh Mom, she's the one who showed it to me. She hacked your password, but I didn't tell you that." (My fifteen year old hacked my password? I think I started hyperventilating at that point.)

The next day's conversation with my middle daughter went something like this, "You read something this week that you wasn't supposed to."
"I know, but it will never happen again...trust me...that stuff is so disgusting...I'm probably scarred for life!" (It was okay because she was being over-dramatic in a sarcastic way but I also believed perhaps naively she would never snoop again.)

All I can say, is I survived the trauma of being forced out of the erotica-writer closet... but I still had a third daughter to go ... and she was only eight at the time... and too young to be exposed to the truth. What was I going to do? Because I would need nerve pills to face this situation again.

Somewhere along the line I decided honesty was the better policy ... you just can't fool kids ... so I stopped trying so hard to keep the fact that I was an erotica writer a secret and when the youngest girl was ten or so and asked innocently, "What do you write all day?" I answered with as close to the truth as I thought she needed at that age, "sexy romance novels." With her nose scrunched she passed judgment immediately, "You are too old to be thinking about sex...and writing about it...gross!" (hmmm...I was thirty-six at the time.)

Since that conversation our household has become a lot more open about what I write about, they know that some of my characters are gay, bi-sexual, transgendered...and play naughty games with floggers...and as a result, coming out of the closet as a little kinky myself has made talking to my daughters about all aspects of sexuality a lot easier.

So despite my fears ... I managed to not only raise well-adjusted kids--they've grown into amazingly awesome adults.

Do you have any raising kids stories to share? If so, I'd love to hear about it!