Career Sidelined by Chronic Illness...
Yes, that was me five years ago when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.
I turned inward. Facing the devastating diagnosis I felt lesser, defeated, pushed aside...
In that moment I learned a valuable lesson from my Loyal Readers because once I stopped producing books on a regular basis I started hearing from my committed and concerned followers.
Reading their notes and emails I learned many of my readers are house-bound and chronically ill and by conversing with them I realized I wasn't useless or throw-away because of a label. My readers who so compassionately shared their stories with me to lift me up define who they are every day and if they can do it and still have a light sometimes sarcastic take on living with Chronic Illness and still be Sexual Beings, so could I...
That information combined with the knowledge that almost all of my personal friends are dealing with a chronic mental or physical illness made me start thinking about erotica and asking if our lives are so filled with the interruptions of illness, why isn't it represented in erotica?
And now I am back!
Since those first dark years spent trying to get a diagnosis, I have found medication, which helped to normalize my life as much as possible and allowed me to return to my career as an erotica writer...
I wrote
LOVERS with a woman in a wheelchair who suffered with childhood into adulthood rheumatoid arthritis. What seemed like such a small thing to me was suddenly a big deal to that titles original publisher who insisted I take out the wheelchair because it didn't belong in erotica. At which point I had a conversation with my publisher and shared a list of bdsm play parties and etceteras specifically targeted toward the disabled. I also chose to explain my own experiences because I am not a novice in dealing with chronic illness and became even more determined to "normalize" chronic illness in erotica because having to receive medication on a schedule or being confined to a chair does not make the person a lesser human being.
Come'on... haven't we moved beyond treating people with mental and physical disabilities like children?
Apparently not.
Disability in erotica is hard to find because it confronts the idea a disabled person is nonsexual, which made it a taboo topic for far too long...
I am personally offended by that attitude!
I've always heard to "write what you know" because you can real and emotional layers impossible without having experienced something first hand. With that in mind...
I understand Chronic Illness ...
I understand BDSM on a 24/7/365 basis ...
I understand polyamory...
I understand bisexuality
I have life experiences in all four, why not mash-em-up? Enter the Van Zant Series...
To boot...
Why not have a Chronically-Ill Kick-Ass Heroine?
And that's exactly what I'm trying to do in my Van Zant series by tackling all four points in spades, not by having the "token disabled secondary character my main character meets for lunch" but by creating main characters who are dealing with major medical problems but who are able to continue to love, laugh, play because that's what chronically ill people do every single day.
I feel confident in being able to write their stories.
Having personally played with a chair confined girlfriend and finding the experience amazing, I am able to approach my main character Alyssa who has MS and is chair bound from a positive reference point and use the lessons I garnered from "Anne" like learning to shift the focus of sex from "what makes me feel good" to "where can I touch you so that you feel good?"
Few people know my first husband suffered from bipolar disorder complicated by schizophrenia or that he became a quadriplegic during our marriage because I never talk about him and for twenty years I have kept those memories tamped down. Recent events have brought the emotions from that time in my life to the surface and having a character with bipolar disorder was the perfect place to deal with my conflicted emotions. The side note being I have a much lesser and more manageable form of Bi-Polar, which allows me to create huge volumes of work during my manic phases is only that I am soooo thankful for my manic phases for that very bonus.
With Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Attention Deficit Disorder being introduced as a major players in my character Alexandra Van Zant's stories, I have really been forced to face both my present and past demons... every day I remind myself... write what I know... because I know that my experience may not be another's experience...
The series gets progressively hotter as it goes along, from Simmering to super HOT so I hope you will read Alexandra's stories and let me know what you think :)
(additional works in progress)
