4.27.2008

Sex Problems

Romance novels and especially erotic romances rarely focus on sex problems...but lets get real...life in the bedroom isn't always screaming orgasms...

Enter my latest novel, in edits now and coming in July, which asks the question:
Does a woman walk away from love because the one she loves can’t satisfy her sexually?

A pretty challenging storyline, I admit, but it's a story that begged to be told...
I hope to have cover-art from Loose-Id to share with you soon...

In the meantime, lets talk about what's happening in America's bedrooms...
According to research by Bob Berkowitz PhD and Susan Yager Berkowitz,who co-wrote He's Just not Up For It Anymore. "It's estimated that more than 20 million marriages in the U.S. are essentially sexless. That is, having sex fewer than 10 times per year.

Yikes!
Sexless?
Really.

Lets review the Top Ten excuses provided in the study:
1. Boredom
Yep, Unadventurous sex makes number one on the list...the article says that enthusiasm and novelty is what is missing...
So, is it really easier to just quit than to light some candles, spray some perfume on the pillows, and invest in a few props?

2.Online Pornography
Okay, I can actually buy into this one because lets face it...can anyone compete on an every night basis with the level of extreme sport that porn has become?

3.Children
Yep, having kids in the house definitely affects the way we have sex...that's why it is so important to have those times and places away from the kids to have wild, crazy, screaming sex that will not traumatize the children by making them believe that daddy is killing mommy...adding the cost of a hotel room and overnight sitter seems like a bargain to me when the alternative is giving up sex. No extra money? Fine. Impose on a friend or relative for the babysitting and take the sexual urges on the road...we all were teens once and we all had sex in cars, on park benches, in state parks...you get the picture.

4.ED
Harder, but there are answers, after consulting a physician. Erectile dysfunction is serious, especially as men age...but that doesn't make it solely the man's problem...swallowing a pill may not be advised or necessary...especially if a little longer time spent by the woman is the answer. Pay attention to this...an older guy once taught me how to give the perfect hand job...time and oil were required...I like sesame oil but there are hundreds to choose from at the health food store...do not waste your money on the flavored, thick, gooey, absolutely worthless massage oils out there...start stroking, not too gently either...then plan to fall asleep with exhausted fingers because it may take awhile...an hour should be considered average...if you are willing to spend an hour stroking the guys penis...he'll be willing to do anything you want him to do to trip your trigger in return:)

5.Weight Gain
Being overweight kills sex drive...start on a regimen of salads and exercise together because giving up sexually contentment for the sake of food is so not worth it.

6.Distractions in The Bedroom
I have a rule...no T.V.'s and no PC's in the bedroom...make it yours too. Then add soft lighting, soft music, a zero clutter policy and you will be on the right track.

7.Rage
Well, I have to say that this one was a surprise and am quoting the article directly here, "Almost nothing kills intimacy better than rage. Withholding touch, warmth, and sex can become a form of punishment. Oftentimes, this is because one spouse views sex as one of the few things within his or her control. The only way to eliminate hostility is to talk about the root of the anger. Consider marriage counseling."
In m opinion...don't hold the anger in...talk things out as they happen.

8.Secretly Gay/Lesbian Partner
Communication and understanding and an open mind to the possibility is the answer here...and if it turns out that your partner is decide how best to open your marriage to others so both people in the relationship can find sexual satisfaction...divorce isn't always the answer...

9.Alcohol, Drugs
Sigh, too much of either is a sex kill...decide if this is a problem that needs treatment and go from there...

10.Depression
Such a double edged sword...depression creates lack of desire...meds for depression also numbs sexual desire...find a professional to help with both.

More in the realm of married sex...I loved this article from Prevention magazine because it provided tips for all of us...whether our sex life is fair, good, or great...because we all want exceptional. I was going to summarize the article but really the case studies are interesting..and there are such treats of info tucked in...read it and I think it was worth your time.

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